[Contents: TMI, medical, eating, mention of weight loss]
While I will be doing much ranting and swearing on this blog, I also just want to talk about what being pregnant is LIKE for me. Some of the things I find most helpful are just people's descriptions of what they are going through with pregnancy. As much as I have and I'm sure will rant about "anecdata", I love hearing people's stories. And in so many cases, it's those stories that make me realize that "I'm not alone." So I want to both document my experiences, and give that to other folks.
Especially since so, so many of these stories are written by not-fat folks. Which doesn't mean they're less valid, just that I already know that their experience is different than mine. And yeah, I'm fat, which doesn't mean every fat person who goes through pregnancy will have the same experience as me, but shit let's get some variety in this piece.
SO. Things this week.
One of the neatest things for me is just feeling where my uterus is. I've been able to find it since, mmmm, around week 13 or so. I used to have to lay on my back to find it. My lower abdomen is normally squishy. I have a floppy layer of fat there, that jiggles and wiggles and yes, squishes pretty easily. I was poking around one night (no lie, because I'd read in one of those pregnancy calendars that The Kid by this point could react to stimuli like pokes, and I wanted to piss them off :D) and was like heeyyyy, that's not squishy. I palpated all around - at this point I had to press pretty hard, but I could feel the firm, rounded edges and was like HEY THAT'S PRETTY NEAT. Then I grabbed The Man's hand so he could feel.
I check on it every so often, especially since I get so many reminders in pregnancy calendars that are like "Oh the top of your uterus is 3" below your belly button!" and so far it's been right on target. This Monday though, was the first time I felt it NOT laying down on my back. I was in the shower, soaping up and all of a sudden it was like WHOA. There it is. Starting right at the bottom of my belly button and spreading out to the sides. It's part of why I mentioned in Monday that it sure seems like the uterus is pushing the fat out of its way, because I could NOT feel this earlier. And I can't feel it while sitting down yet (at least not from the outside), it's really easy to feel while I'm standing up.
The Man also said to me this week, literally, "You kind of look... wider." I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was fricken' adorable.
I'm not a small person, okay? For various reasons, I wound up losing a lot of weight the first three and half months of pregnancy. The most visible way most folks would notice is that my face got really thin - I had slight hollows in my checks, and my bone structure really stood out. My face looked way longer than wide. I noticed my face had filled out and gotten rounder a couple of weeks ago, but I hadn't really noticed anything else. The Man was talking more about my hips and thighs and stuff. Given that his powers of observation when it comes to me are acute as hell, I completely believe him.
The "spread", as it were, also explains why standing up hurts. I'm about 99% sure it's pelvic girdle pain, even without talking to my OB or midwives. It's not in a spot I usually get pain, and it's definitely a perfect fit for the descriptions. It was worst a week ago Monday, after I got groceries, and I'm pretty sure it was exacerbated significantly by the shoes I was wearing. They were a low heel, which is most comfortable for me right now, but they have wood heels and about no padding. So my hips and knees and feet took the shocks of walking. But the clearest way I can describe it was that for a day or two afterwards, my hips felt like they were in the wrong place, and the pain from it, I felt in what sometimes is called the "pelvic saddle", and radiating down my thighs. I also had trouble standing up straight.
It's better this week, although it still aches when I first stand up. It's worse first thing in the morning, after everything has relaxed more. And usually walking for a few steps helps get things back in to place. I also find that a technique I was advised to use for my back helps a lot. My PT told me that your glutes, PC muscles, and abs all do the bulk of the work in stabilizing your spine and pelvis. So I make sure to have all of those tightened a bit when walking - which also improves my posture - and that seems to help a lot. If you read the Wikipedia article on PGP, it mentions that in some cases, yes, the muscles can compensate in whole or in part for pelvic instability, and that's what I'm doing. But shit, it works. The other thing that's helped is better shoes. I bought ones that have low heels, and have way more cushioning and softer soles, so they absorb more shocks. I know those things aren't options for everyone, but I wanted to put them out there in case they're options for others.
Finally, I think I need a timer. It needs to go off about every one to two hours, half an hour before the hunger gets critical and I lose my ability to coherently, calmly think about what I should eat. I am so hungry, y'all. And hungry really, really regularly. Problem is, I can't eat much. Sunday night I made fried chicken, which is one of my most favorite things in the world (it's also one of my sister's, and it was for her birthday). I've also craved chicken and potatoes pretty hard throughout this entire pregnancy. I ate like six bites of chicken, and a dozen fries, and was FULL. It was such bullshit; I was so upset. Then I was hungry an hour later, to my frustration. The hunger is definitely fiercest and most frequent in the afternoon and evening, but yeah, seriously, I need to shove food in my face about every hour to two hours. And I can't eat that much. UGH.
No comments:
Post a Comment