[Contents: medical, tmi, weight, mention of previous miscarriage]
WHY AM I STILL PREGNANT
Okay before I go any further, let me make a few things clear: one, I am so not looking for advice, so please miss me with that. Two, I really, really do not want anyone saying to me "oh but first babies are almost always late", "most pregnancies go past their due date", "only x% of babies arrive on their due date", or any variation thereof.
Partly because I know all of the statistics already, thanks, and partly because THIS WAS IN NO WAY WHAT I WAS LED TO BELIEVE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.
"Oh well ha ha no one can predi-" SHUT. THE. ENTIRE. FUCK. UP.
If you've been reading for a while, you know that I have (had? maybe at this point "had" is more appropriate) a number of risk factors for pre-term birth, including thyroid disease, a history of spontaneous miscarriage, vaginal bleeding during pregnancy, a short cervix (including having an emergency cerclage put in), low pregnancy weight gain, and anti-thyroid antibodies. Basically, every single care provider I have seen at this point is extremely shocked that I made it to 38 weeks, NEVER EVEN MIND THAT I AM PAST 40 WEEKS NOW.
For anyone who would like to spout some "oh but your dates are probably off tee hee" shit, no, they're not. I know the exact date I fucking ovulated, which was confirmed by a very early ultrasound, so fuck off. While I do think that the method most often used to date a pregnancy, Naegele's Rule, does play a role in the fact that more pregnancies go past 40 weeks than not, that was not the method used to date my pregnancy.
Even more fun: for pregnant folks with ultrasound-indicated cerclages (LIKE MINE), on average they deliver about 2 weeks after cerclage removal. (This is a PDF of one of the studies looking at this sort of thing. I have not been able to find a non-PDF source yet, but if I do, I'll add it.) So mean delivery time is just under 14 days after cerclage removal, plus or minus 10 days. Tomorrow will be that "plus 10 days" point for me. I had my cerclage out over three weeks ago.
There is still no sign that I will be delivering this kid any time soon. Oh sure, I've been having contractions off and on since two days after the cerclage removal. Bloody show? Check; that was three weeks ago too. On multiple occasions, I have had contractions 10 minutes apart for an hour, even 5 minutes apart for an hour. I've had contractions that have made me stop what I was doing, or made me lean against the wall, take deep breaths, actually say "fuck, ow". Before anyone tries to lecture me "Oh well Braxton-Hicks can be painful", if they were Braxton-Hicks, I'd kind of expect them to stop when I laid down and drank a couple glasses of water, which is NOT WHAT HAPPENS, so you can also shut the entire fuck up. I was 2 cm dilated THREE POINT FIVE WEEKS AGO, and 50% effaced. The Kid was at -2 engagement (translation: head dropped in to my pelvis, but not quite all the way.) As of Wednesday, THAT HAS NOT CHANGED.
Sunday, we thought maybe something was happening. From Sunday in to Monday, I had contractions about half an hour apart for OVER 24 HOURS. Monday afternoon, they stopped for a bit, then came back 10 minutes apart. We thought for sure that would be it, especially since we live in Boston, Monday was the Boston Marathon, and getting anywhere on Marathon Monday is THE biggest pain in the ass. Then the contractions stopped.
Tuesday I didn't have much, except that all of a sudden, huh, wow, some sort of watery vaginal discharge where there wasn't before! Could this be amniotic fluid? MAYBE. So I watch and wait and yeah, five hours later, still slowly leaking a bit, so I call my doctor's office. I wouldn't have cared, except that I am Group B Strep positive, which, long story short, means if my water breaks, I need to proceed directly to the hospital to get IV antibiotics, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. (Regardless of when my water breaks - which, it's more likely to break in active labor than beforehand, but wev - I need to receive antibiotics every four hours during active labor, and ideally I'd have at least 2 doses before The Kid arrives.) So I call. And I'm like, I'm not sure, but it's enough of a change and I know that if it is amniotic fluid, we need to take steps, and the OB on call agreed, so about 11:45 Tuesday night we headed to the hospital.
No, I did not post anything on Twitter about it, no we did not call our parents, because fuck if I'm getting everyone excited for something just as likely to be a false alarm.
Which it was.
We get to the hospital, they hook me up to the monitors, The Kid kicks the monitors, they test to see if it's amniotic fluid, it's not, thankfully neither the nurse nor the midwife gave me much of that condescending "oh it's your first pregnancy you clearly don't know what's going on" shit or else someone would have died, we got sent home.
Yesterday, I'm in the shower, and holy shit, here I am leaning against the wall because OW. Every seven minutes, OW. I start thinking about calling The Man and saying hey, maybe you should think about leaving work. I ponder this for about ten minutes, during which point the contractions stop. I get up, walk around, fold some laundry, eat some beans and rice, hahahahah NOPE we're done for the day.
I consider shanking some motherfuckers. Which, honestly, my interests right now are first and foremost, HAVING A DAMN KID ALREADY JEEBUS, sleeping, eating (mostly beans and rice, because oh my fucking god beans and rice is so delicious), and SHANKING MOTHERFUCKERS.
Meanwhile my pelvis is still a floppy, relaxin-fucked mess, I have weird stretch marks all over my belly, my belly dropped OH RIGHT LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO ALREADY, I have not been able to find new bras (which I made the mistake of tweeting about... I'm totally shocked the random person on Twitter who insisted no no, they totally make stretchy multiple-cup sized bras in your size hasn't gotten back to me yet... BECAUSE NO ONE MAKES THOSE IN MY SIZE IT'S LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT OR SOMETHING), thank fuck I still have pants and shirts that fit, I'm getting sick of packing my meds and glasses and chargers and shit every time I leave the house, and if one more person asks me "still pregnant?" or any variation thereof, I will be announcing The Kid's arrival AT LEAST A MONTH AFTERWARDS YOU CAN ALL JUST GO SCREW.
Showing posts with label bellies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bellies. Show all posts
Friday, April 25, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 35
[contents: medical, TMI, menstruation, fat hate]
Lately I have found great enjoyment from putting my hands on my belly, looking at The Man, and intoning "SOON" as creepily as possible.
Because SOON.
Nesting has returned in full force. Last Friday I was all kinds of anxious and cranky, and I decided to wash a load of baby clothes, and it made me feel SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE. I haven't folded them yet - that is kind of waiting for me to make the drawer organizers for the dresser - but they're CLEAN.
I also started packing my hospital bag, which also made me feel better about my life. And started packing the diaper bag with things to bring to the hospital for The Kid. Thoughts I have had include "oh, hey, this neato microfiber car seat cover, that's a good thing to stick in the bag", and "oh hey, all of these new gigantic cloth pads you just bought, those should go in your hospital bag", and "OMG YOU NEED TO REPLACE ALL OF YOUR UNDERWEAR AND BUY SPECIAL HOSPITAL UNDERWEAR". That last one I talked myself out of.
Okay yeah, theoretically the hospital provides underwear for you for postpartum. I have read so many blogs extolling the virtues of the "mesh granny panties" from the hospital. Yeah, so, I had some right after my surgery in December, and, no. No, the standard size is not sized for fat folk like me. So while maybe the hospital I'll be delivering at has bigger ones (and I plan on asking during the hospital tour), I'm assuming hahahaha nope they won't and bringing some of my own underwear with me. All of the blogs assure me this is a TERRIBLE idea, because there will be BLOOD and LEAKING and BODILY FLUIDS all over, but uh, you know, mesh panties that don't fit me aren't going to stop it either, so maybe let's wear knickers that actually fit and use pads that are actually comfortable and fit instead of the giant monstrosities that are hospital pads (seriously. They're like a giant pillow in your crotch, except made of scratchy paper and somehow STILL not in the right place, even though they are LITERALLY AS LONG AS MY FOREARM). You know.
So I've put in some cheapie knit underwear I have but never wear, and some underwear I bought on sale at Christmas but managed to get the wrong size and then I exchanged them but managed to get the wrong cut but you know if they get ruined I won't cry, and we're going to go from there.
I've also got a pair of slippers I picked up for a mere $7 post-Christmas, since the hospital is VERY ADAMANT that I be wearing socks and/or slippers at all times "for safety and hygiene purposes". And a giant fuzzy blue robe that I got for like $20, so that when my in-laws inevitably visit us all in the hospital I can look something approaching put together. And since they weren't super expensive, if all the blogs are right and everything is going to be leaked on and ruined, it's not the end of my world.
I'm also trying not to obsess over the "coming home" outfit for The Kid. I have no idea how big they will be, and no idea if I should just bring something easy like one of those snap-up footie pajama outfits, or something more elaborate, and if I do bring something omg WHAT SIZE, and should I bring a couple sizes, and what if I'm WRONG and oh my GODS. And logically I know that it doesn't have to be the MOST PRECIOUS OUTFIT IN THE WORLD (we can save that for pictures for the baby announcements), it just has to be cute, and I can put like two different sizes in there and if, for some reason, neither of them works, OUR HOUSE IS NOT THAT FAR AWAY I CAN SEND THE MAN HOME WITH INSTRUCTIONS.
BUT WHAT SHOULD I PICK AAAAAAHHHHHHH.
The Man and I have also been attending baby-havin' classes. The hospital calls the course "Prepared Childbirth", but whatever, baby-havin' classes. Thankfully these are better than the infant care class we took a few weeks ago that was omfg awful (and yes, I did just mail a letter to the department enumerating the many problems with that shit... and hinting that I'd like my goddamn $55 back THANK YOU VERY MUCH). Our instructor is a little spacey sometimes, and mispronounces "centimeters", but generally pretty good. (Her pronunciation is like a mash-up of "sonogram" and "centimeters", so it sounds like "sonometers", which... yeah I don't know.) I do find it difficult sometimes to not pipe up when she's answering a question with what I've found out in the research, but mostly I bite my tongue. I don't want to be that asshole, you know? BUT I KNOW THINGS OKAY YES I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS OKAY LOOK SERIOUSLY NO THAT CONDITION IS NOT LINKED TO THE WEIGHT OF THE BABY.
Ahem.
It is kind of nice to be around other pregnant people and talk about that shit though. And there's someone in class due on the exact same day as me, so that's fun. There's also one other kind-of fat pregnant person in the class - although I have no idea how they'd describe themselves - which is pretty awesome too. They were also the one to speak up last week when everyone was describing unmedicated vaginal birth as "natural" and call out how bullshit and stigmatizing that was, so HI FRIEND LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Shit I am Not Worried About includes labor and delivery, and how to take care of The Kid afterwards. Which damn BLANKET to bring to the hospital? MOMENTOUS ANXIETY. Labor? Wev. Delivery? Meh. Basic baby care? Yeah it's cool. Even knowing that I might have a 10-pound baby? Yeah it's fine, I know people who've birthed big babies vaginally and unmedicated, I am not concerned. This is... not the common attitude in our baby-havin' class.
Meanwhile my MIL is holding a baby shower for us in like a week and a half and she's REALLY EXCITED OKAY. She also asked "OH SO SHOULD WE HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD SKYPE IN" and I made an executive decision NO on that one. I get that she's trying to be nice and make this wonderful, since this will be the only in-person baby shower I'm having. And that really is lovely of her. But um, it's going to be the only in-person shower because HI I HATE BABY SHOWERS, AND NO I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANY BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FOR ME. I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE CONSENTED TO THIS ONE IF I DIDN'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WERE SUPER-SAD THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER. I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE SOME INTERESTING EMOTIONAL HANG-UPS, THANKS. Also having my folks dialed in is not going to make anything better or less awkward for me. So like I said, executive decision, NOPE.
I am not looking forward to the baby shower.
Physically, turns out that I was right about how tired I was a week ago - that was probably my thyroid deciding to be an asshole for a week. THANKS AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE. My hips are also doing marginally better this week, although it is still the world's biggest production to move around in bed. I also added a waterproof, absorbs-up-to-five-cups-of-fluid pad to my side of the bed under the sheets. Just in case. Except that it totally has a plastic back, so that shit does not breathe, and it moves around with and under the sheets, which is also less fun. So when I wake up, inevitably in four hours or less, my hip and leg I'm laying on are not only sore, but slightly sticky from laying on something with a plastic back. So far, I am convinced this is a better plan than my water breaking in bed and ruining our memory foam topper and mattress. We'll see how long that lasts.
My belly is still getting bigger. OMG SO MUCH BELLY. My bellybutton has not popped, as I was told that NO REALLY EVERYONE'S DOES, but it has gotten... flatter. Like, it's normally pretty deep, and in kind of a crease in my belly, and as that crease has flattened out so has my belly button. It's weird and feels weird when I touch it.
The Kid also seems to be doing fine. There are few kicks, and more... burbling. Like, there's movement, and my belly moves, and ugh super weird, but it's... not as violent. JUST EXTREMELY CREEPY. Like as I was typing this paragraph I looked down and was watching The Kid move my belly. SO WEIRD. SO. INCREDIBLY. WEIRD. Also there is still a foot wedged up under my ribs and OW.
Today's midwife appointment also went well, I gained 2 more pounds so I am a whopping FOUR POUNDS over my starting weight now YEAHHHHHH. I am happier about this than any of my care providers. So if that's going to be the case, I might find a new practice for next time. But no swelling, blood pressure looks great, blah blah blah oh shit you mean the fat lady is still having a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy at this point THE HELL YOU SAY.
No but seriously BELLY EVERWHERE.
Lately I have found great enjoyment from putting my hands on my belly, looking at The Man, and intoning "SOON" as creepily as possible.
Because SOON.
Nesting has returned in full force. Last Friday I was all kinds of anxious and cranky, and I decided to wash a load of baby clothes, and it made me feel SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE. I haven't folded them yet - that is kind of waiting for me to make the drawer organizers for the dresser - but they're CLEAN.
I also started packing my hospital bag, which also made me feel better about my life. And started packing the diaper bag with things to bring to the hospital for The Kid. Thoughts I have had include "oh, hey, this neato microfiber car seat cover, that's a good thing to stick in the bag", and "oh hey, all of these new gigantic cloth pads you just bought, those should go in your hospital bag", and "OMG YOU NEED TO REPLACE ALL OF YOUR UNDERWEAR AND BUY SPECIAL HOSPITAL UNDERWEAR". That last one I talked myself out of.
Okay yeah, theoretically the hospital provides underwear for you for postpartum. I have read so many blogs extolling the virtues of the "mesh granny panties" from the hospital. Yeah, so, I had some right after my surgery in December, and, no. No, the standard size is not sized for fat folk like me. So while maybe the hospital I'll be delivering at has bigger ones (and I plan on asking during the hospital tour), I'm assuming hahahaha nope they won't and bringing some of my own underwear with me. All of the blogs assure me this is a TERRIBLE idea, because there will be BLOOD and LEAKING and BODILY FLUIDS all over, but uh, you know, mesh panties that don't fit me aren't going to stop it either, so maybe let's wear knickers that actually fit and use pads that are actually comfortable and fit instead of the giant monstrosities that are hospital pads (seriously. They're like a giant pillow in your crotch, except made of scratchy paper and somehow STILL not in the right place, even though they are LITERALLY AS LONG AS MY FOREARM). You know.
So I've put in some cheapie knit underwear I have but never wear, and some underwear I bought on sale at Christmas but managed to get the wrong size and then I exchanged them but managed to get the wrong cut but you know if they get ruined I won't cry, and we're going to go from there.
I've also got a pair of slippers I picked up for a mere $7 post-Christmas, since the hospital is VERY ADAMANT that I be wearing socks and/or slippers at all times "for safety and hygiene purposes". And a giant fuzzy blue robe that I got for like $20, so that when my in-laws inevitably visit us all in the hospital I can look something approaching put together. And since they weren't super expensive, if all the blogs are right and everything is going to be leaked on and ruined, it's not the end of my world.
I'm also trying not to obsess over the "coming home" outfit for The Kid. I have no idea how big they will be, and no idea if I should just bring something easy like one of those snap-up footie pajama outfits, or something more elaborate, and if I do bring something omg WHAT SIZE, and should I bring a couple sizes, and what if I'm WRONG and oh my GODS. And logically I know that it doesn't have to be the MOST PRECIOUS OUTFIT IN THE WORLD (we can save that for pictures for the baby announcements), it just has to be cute, and I can put like two different sizes in there and if, for some reason, neither of them works, OUR HOUSE IS NOT THAT FAR AWAY I CAN SEND THE MAN HOME WITH INSTRUCTIONS.
BUT WHAT SHOULD I PICK AAAAAAHHHHHHH.
The Man and I have also been attending baby-havin' classes. The hospital calls the course "Prepared Childbirth", but whatever, baby-havin' classes. Thankfully these are better than the infant care class we took a few weeks ago that was omfg awful (and yes, I did just mail a letter to the department enumerating the many problems with that shit... and hinting that I'd like my goddamn $55 back THANK YOU VERY MUCH). Our instructor is a little spacey sometimes, and mispronounces "centimeters", but generally pretty good. (Her pronunciation is like a mash-up of "sonogram" and "centimeters", so it sounds like "sonometers", which... yeah I don't know.) I do find it difficult sometimes to not pipe up when she's answering a question with what I've found out in the research, but mostly I bite my tongue. I don't want to be that asshole, you know? BUT I KNOW THINGS OKAY YES I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS OKAY LOOK SERIOUSLY NO THAT CONDITION IS NOT LINKED TO THE WEIGHT OF THE BABY.
Ahem.
It is kind of nice to be around other pregnant people and talk about that shit though. And there's someone in class due on the exact same day as me, so that's fun. There's also one other kind-of fat pregnant person in the class - although I have no idea how they'd describe themselves - which is pretty awesome too. They were also the one to speak up last week when everyone was describing unmedicated vaginal birth as "natural" and call out how bullshit and stigmatizing that was, so HI FRIEND LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Shit I am Not Worried About includes labor and delivery, and how to take care of The Kid afterwards. Which damn BLANKET to bring to the hospital? MOMENTOUS ANXIETY. Labor? Wev. Delivery? Meh. Basic baby care? Yeah it's cool. Even knowing that I might have a 10-pound baby? Yeah it's fine, I know people who've birthed big babies vaginally and unmedicated, I am not concerned. This is... not the common attitude in our baby-havin' class.
Meanwhile my MIL is holding a baby shower for us in like a week and a half and she's REALLY EXCITED OKAY. She also asked "OH SO SHOULD WE HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD SKYPE IN" and I made an executive decision NO on that one. I get that she's trying to be nice and make this wonderful, since this will be the only in-person baby shower I'm having. And that really is lovely of her. But um, it's going to be the only in-person shower because HI I HATE BABY SHOWERS, AND NO I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANY BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FOR ME. I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE CONSENTED TO THIS ONE IF I DIDN'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WERE SUPER-SAD THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER. I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE SOME INTERESTING EMOTIONAL HANG-UPS, THANKS. Also having my folks dialed in is not going to make anything better or less awkward for me. So like I said, executive decision, NOPE.
I am not looking forward to the baby shower.
Physically, turns out that I was right about how tired I was a week ago - that was probably my thyroid deciding to be an asshole for a week. THANKS AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE. My hips are also doing marginally better this week, although it is still the world's biggest production to move around in bed. I also added a waterproof, absorbs-up-to-five-cups-of-fluid pad to my side of the bed under the sheets. Just in case. Except that it totally has a plastic back, so that shit does not breathe, and it moves around with and under the sheets, which is also less fun. So when I wake up, inevitably in four hours or less, my hip and leg I'm laying on are not only sore, but slightly sticky from laying on something with a plastic back. So far, I am convinced this is a better plan than my water breaking in bed and ruining our memory foam topper and mattress. We'll see how long that lasts.
My belly is still getting bigger. OMG SO MUCH BELLY. My bellybutton has not popped, as I was told that NO REALLY EVERYONE'S DOES, but it has gotten... flatter. Like, it's normally pretty deep, and in kind of a crease in my belly, and as that crease has flattened out so has my belly button. It's weird and feels weird when I touch it.
The Kid also seems to be doing fine. There are few kicks, and more... burbling. Like, there's movement, and my belly moves, and ugh super weird, but it's... not as violent. JUST EXTREMELY CREEPY. Like as I was typing this paragraph I looked down and was watching The Kid move my belly. SO WEIRD. SO. INCREDIBLY. WEIRD. Also there is still a foot wedged up under my ribs and OW.
Today's midwife appointment also went well, I gained 2 more pounds so I am a whopping FOUR POUNDS over my starting weight now YEAHHHHHH. I am happier about this than any of my care providers. So if that's going to be the case, I might find a new practice for next time. But no swelling, blood pressure looks great, blah blah blah oh shit you mean the fat lady is still having a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy at this point THE HELL YOU SAY.
No but seriously BELLY EVERWHERE.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Things Happening To My Pregnant Ass This Week: Week 26
[Contents: medical, TMI]
WEEK TWENTY-SIX.
TWENTY. SIX.
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Basically, this week? Shit has gotten REAL.
Hitting the halfway point at 20 weeks was pretty awesome, and hitting 24 weeks (and therefore the edge of fetal viability in many cases) was also pretty awesome, seeing as how I'm considered at higher risk of delivering pre-term. But all of a sudden this past week, now that I'm past the "100 days left" mark, AAAAHHHHH HOLY SHIT HAVING A KID IN LIKE THREE MONTHS OH MY FUCK GOD.
I've also been nesting hardcore. Like... yes, I am awake at 6:30 am for no good goddamn reason, this is a COMPLETELY reasonable time to look at dressers for the kid on Craigslist. I HAVE TO FIND ONE RIGHT NOW, OKAY? I EVEN HAVE A PLAN OF HOW IT'S GOING TO FIT IN WHAT IS NOW THE SPARE ROOM AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY ANTIQUE SEWING MACHINES OUT IT'S GREAT TRUST ME.
I did find a dresser yesterday. The Man even likes it. I just have to make sure it will fit through the doors in my old-ass house. I already measured the spare room. It fits.
(I may or may not have been doing measuring at some obnoxious hour of the night at some point this week.)
I realize that this is also partly prompted by the fact that I came back from 2013's Midwestern Holiday with my family with ZOMG SO MUCH BABY STUFF. My mom? Is kind of excited. And keeps buying things. Like clothes. And blankets. And a snow suit. And and and.
She also hauled out the bassinet from their crawlspace. Said bassinet was used for me and my two siblings, so I think it actually qualifies as antique now? My mom and dad all tested it out to make sure it was stable and in good shape and it got the green light, so I hauled that home too. No of course I didn't get a little weepy about it why would you even ask such a question? (I totally got weepy over it. More than once.)
But yeah, so now there's multiple boxes and bags of baby stuff just getting piled in what is currently the spare room. Boxes of diapers. Bags of clothes. An entire box just of blankets. A giant bassinet chilling out. An entire tub of stuffed animals ALREADY. So I'm really feeling the need to have a place to put these things AWAY.
Meanwhile, in the medical arena, if you follow me on Twitter, you know that I had a SURPRISE cerclage put in just before leaving for 2013 Midwestern Holiday. SO FUN. Basically, a cerclage is where they literally sew your cervix shut so it stays that way. Turns out my cervix had shortened pretty significantly between one ultrasound and another, and while a cerclage is not at all what I'd planned for or wanted, I knew, unequivocally, that it was the correct choice. So my doctor and the hospital did some scrambling on my behalf to get me in to surgery that night, so I could leave for the holidays. I do have a post coming up on what the experience and recovery was like, but the short version is it's fine, I'm fine, everything is okay.
Everything really is okay though - I had a follow-up with my maternal-fetal medicine specialist when I returned from 2013 Midwestern Holiday, and my cervix was actually LONGER than it had ever been, which is amazing, wonderful news, and means that I no longer have to see a specialist. I just get to go to my regular OB/midwife team. No more ultrasounds every ten days, no more extra appointments. As much as I love my specialist, she and I were both thrilled that I don't have to see here any more right now. My midwife was also thrilled - she gave me a big ol' hug at my appointment last week. In her words, "MFM NEVER lets anyone go! I am so happy for you!" So right now, I am considered to be having a normal, low-risk pregnancy. Which is amazing.
The Kid is measuring right on for gestational age, except for hir legs, which are measuring long. Unsurprising; The Man and I are both 6' tall ourselves. I have a brother who is like 6'6", and a cousin who is like 6'8", and a few uncles up there too, and my mom is 5'11", so, you know, tall folks, we gots 'em. I also gained seven whole pounds over the holidays YAAAAAY. I am pretty sure this was because my mom was feeding me. A lot. And also refusing to let me do p much anything resembling work, no matter how small.
This week The Kid has also managed to kick me in a few places that prompt me to go HOW DID YOU REACH THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING OMG. We've definitely reached the "rabid weasel in a canvas sack" stage of fetal kicking. Around Christmas I was pretty sure my belly was twitching, but not entirely. There is no mistaking it now. The other day I was sitting on the couch without a bra on, so my boobs were definitely resting on top of my belly, and The Kid KICKED MY BOOB. Awesome, yet so, so freaky.
The Kid is also highly contrariwise, and enjoys kicking ultrasound and Doppler wands, but not hir father's hands when said hands are on my belly. It's like freaking magic. The Kid can be kicking up a freaking storm, The Man puts his hand on my belly, EVERYTHING STOPS. Man takes his hand away, KICK-KICK-KICK-KICK-SOMERSAULT-PUNCH. What the hell, Kid.
I also definitely, definitely have a prominent belly now. Even over Christmas, my mom and a couple other relatives were like oh yeah, you look pregnant, holy crap. But it's REALLY noticeable now. And I can't wear most of my jeans anymore, even unbuttoned with a Bella Band. They're just too tight for my belly. I am rocking yoga pants so hard right now, y'all. And kind of walking funny. My pelvis continues to spread (and crack, disconcertingly), so usually when I get up from bed it takes me about a dozen steps walking crooked and stooped before everything falls back in to place and I can more or less stand up straight. I'm not in too much pain, unless I overdo the physical activity in a day, but it is just kind of awkward and uncomfortable.
OMFG 26 WEEKS AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
WEEK TWENTY-SIX.
TWENTY. SIX.
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Basically, this week? Shit has gotten REAL.
Hitting the halfway point at 20 weeks was pretty awesome, and hitting 24 weeks (and therefore the edge of fetal viability in many cases) was also pretty awesome, seeing as how I'm considered at higher risk of delivering pre-term. But all of a sudden this past week, now that I'm past the "100 days left" mark, AAAAHHHHH HOLY SHIT HAVING A KID IN LIKE THREE MONTHS OH MY FUCK GOD.
I've also been nesting hardcore. Like... yes, I am awake at 6:30 am for no good goddamn reason, this is a COMPLETELY reasonable time to look at dressers for the kid on Craigslist. I HAVE TO FIND ONE RIGHT NOW, OKAY? I EVEN HAVE A PLAN OF HOW IT'S GOING TO FIT IN WHAT IS NOW THE SPARE ROOM AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY ANTIQUE SEWING MACHINES OUT IT'S GREAT TRUST ME.
I did find a dresser yesterday. The Man even likes it. I just have to make sure it will fit through the doors in my old-ass house. I already measured the spare room. It fits.
(I may or may not have been doing measuring at some obnoxious hour of the night at some point this week.)
I realize that this is also partly prompted by the fact that I came back from 2013's Midwestern Holiday with my family with ZOMG SO MUCH BABY STUFF. My mom? Is kind of excited. And keeps buying things. Like clothes. And blankets. And a snow suit. And and and.
She also hauled out the bassinet from their crawlspace. Said bassinet was used for me and my two siblings, so I think it actually qualifies as antique now? My mom and dad all tested it out to make sure it was stable and in good shape and it got the green light, so I hauled that home too. No of course I didn't get a little weepy about it why would you even ask such a question? (I totally got weepy over it. More than once.)
But yeah, so now there's multiple boxes and bags of baby stuff just getting piled in what is currently the spare room. Boxes of diapers. Bags of clothes. An entire box just of blankets. A giant bassinet chilling out. An entire tub of stuffed animals ALREADY. So I'm really feeling the need to have a place to put these things AWAY.
Meanwhile, in the medical arena, if you follow me on Twitter, you know that I had a SURPRISE cerclage put in just before leaving for 2013 Midwestern Holiday. SO FUN. Basically, a cerclage is where they literally sew your cervix shut so it stays that way. Turns out my cervix had shortened pretty significantly between one ultrasound and another, and while a cerclage is not at all what I'd planned for or wanted, I knew, unequivocally, that it was the correct choice. So my doctor and the hospital did some scrambling on my behalf to get me in to surgery that night, so I could leave for the holidays. I do have a post coming up on what the experience and recovery was like, but the short version is it's fine, I'm fine, everything is okay.
Everything really is okay though - I had a follow-up with my maternal-fetal medicine specialist when I returned from 2013 Midwestern Holiday, and my cervix was actually LONGER than it had ever been, which is amazing, wonderful news, and means that I no longer have to see a specialist. I just get to go to my regular OB/midwife team. No more ultrasounds every ten days, no more extra appointments. As much as I love my specialist, she and I were both thrilled that I don't have to see here any more right now. My midwife was also thrilled - she gave me a big ol' hug at my appointment last week. In her words, "MFM NEVER lets anyone go! I am so happy for you!" So right now, I am considered to be having a normal, low-risk pregnancy. Which is amazing.
The Kid is measuring right on for gestational age, except for hir legs, which are measuring long. Unsurprising; The Man and I are both 6' tall ourselves. I have a brother who is like 6'6", and a cousin who is like 6'8", and a few uncles up there too, and my mom is 5'11", so, you know, tall folks, we gots 'em. I also gained seven whole pounds over the holidays YAAAAAY. I am pretty sure this was because my mom was feeding me. A lot. And also refusing to let me do p much anything resembling work, no matter how small.
This week The Kid has also managed to kick me in a few places that prompt me to go HOW DID YOU REACH THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING OMG. We've definitely reached the "rabid weasel in a canvas sack" stage of fetal kicking. Around Christmas I was pretty sure my belly was twitching, but not entirely. There is no mistaking it now. The other day I was sitting on the couch without a bra on, so my boobs were definitely resting on top of my belly, and The Kid KICKED MY BOOB. Awesome, yet so, so freaky.
The Kid is also highly contrariwise, and enjoys kicking ultrasound and Doppler wands, but not hir father's hands when said hands are on my belly. It's like freaking magic. The Kid can be kicking up a freaking storm, The Man puts his hand on my belly, EVERYTHING STOPS. Man takes his hand away, KICK-KICK-KICK-KICK-SOMERSAULT-PUNCH. What the hell, Kid.
I also definitely, definitely have a prominent belly now. Even over Christmas, my mom and a couple other relatives were like oh yeah, you look pregnant, holy crap. But it's REALLY noticeable now. And I can't wear most of my jeans anymore, even unbuttoned with a Bella Band. They're just too tight for my belly. I am rocking yoga pants so hard right now, y'all. And kind of walking funny. My pelvis continues to spread (and crack, disconcertingly), so usually when I get up from bed it takes me about a dozen steps walking crooked and stooped before everything falls back in to place and I can more or less stand up straight. I'm not in too much pain, unless I overdo the physical activity in a day, but it is just kind of awkward and uncomfortable.
OMFG 26 WEEKS AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Friday, December 13, 2013
PANTS PANTS PANTS
[contents: some mildly NSFW pics]
Namely, what I am currently doing about mine.
I'm working on putting together a big post about what's commonly referred to as "maternity clothing", and what I'm referring to as pregnancy clothing or clothes, but in the mean time, shit, my pants don't fit. Since pants not fitting is often one of the first clothing-related side effects of pregnancy people experience, I figured I'd post what I'm doing about it.
I was actually in not-pregnant pants up until about 18 weeks, and comfortably. I could button them, they weren't super-tight, everything was cool. Then I'd have to unbutton them at the end of the day. Then it was more comfortable to go about with them unbuttoned, but I could still button and zip them if I had to. Then buttoning and zipping them was really tough. Now... yeah fuck it I'm not trying I give no shits anymore. They still fit my butt and thighs.
But since it's difficult to walk around just with one's pants unbuttoned all the time - not least because they will fall off your ass, and people kind of frown upon seeing one's knickers in public, here are two things I have been using:
Namely, what I am currently doing about mine.
I'm working on putting together a big post about what's commonly referred to as "maternity clothing", and what I'm referring to as pregnancy clothing or clothes, but in the mean time, shit, my pants don't fit. Since pants not fitting is often one of the first clothing-related side effects of pregnancy people experience, I figured I'd post what I'm doing about it.
I was actually in not-pregnant pants up until about 18 weeks, and comfortably. I could button them, they weren't super-tight, everything was cool. Then I'd have to unbutton them at the end of the day. Then it was more comfortable to go about with them unbuttoned, but I could still button and zip them if I had to. Then buttoning and zipping them was really tough. Now... yeah fuck it I'm not trying I give no shits anymore. They still fit my butt and thighs.
But since it's difficult to walk around just with one's pants unbuttoned all the time - not least because they will fall off your ass, and people kind of frown upon seeing one's knickers in public, here are two things I have been using:
- Hair ties. I haven't done this when I'm out and about, but when at home, I will take a ponytail holder/hair tie, loop it through the buttonhole of my jeans, then loop the other end over the button. That way I can leave the button undone and the zipper undone too, yet my pants stay up. You can also use a rubber band. If you need a bit more room, a bigger tie or band can give that to you. Here's what it looks like:
- Bella Bands. Yeah, I know, these are super-hyped. And they're not inexpensive. I splurged and ordered two from Amazon. I was skeptical, and I'd read the occasional scathing review. And then I tried them, and oh my fucking gods, they actually work as advertised. I am still kind of in shock about this.
What the Bella Band is is a tube of stretchy fabric that you wear around your waist/belly/hips that holds up your pants or skirt, smoothing out the bumps of the unbuttoned button, and also covering up any joys of a shirt that's now too short. The fabric is 84% nylon and 16% spandex, and the new versions have a bit of silicone around the bottom to hold it in place (If you've ever bought stay-up thigh-high stockings, it's the same stuff). They are machine washable and dryable. They look super small when you take them out of the package, and the fabric looks way too thin to accomplish what it's supposed to accomplish. I'm not really sure what witchcraft is involved that it's not.
Sizing is from pant sizes 0-24, so not a huge plus-size range, unfortunately... but also better than a lot of other "neat product" makers, sadly. I also suspect that the 26-28 range might be able to get away with the largest size. They are very stretchy. I found their sizing chart accurate; I wear usually an 18 or 20 in pants, and have a narrow waist with wide hips, so I ordered a 3, which fits very nicely. You do have to go to the manufacturer's site to find the sizing chart. And yes, they are LONG. Again, I'm 6' tall, with a pretty long torso, and they cover my butt and come up to just under my bra.
Getting it on can be interesting. I usually scrunch it up, then either step in to it, like a slip-on skirt, or work it over my head. It manages to be tight, without binding. Like, it definitely lays flat against my skin, and is tight enough to hold up my jeans generally, but I can easily fit my arm under there, pull it outwards, etc., and it's not compressing anything, like e.g. Spanx would.
Here is what they look like on me, both "wear out of the house", and with my shirt off, so you can see how tall they are. Your model is 6' tall, around 285 pounds, and 20 weeks pregnant in these photos. Yes you can see my bra really clearly in one of them:
You can also make Bella-Band-like bands yourself in custom sizes. Here is a great tutorial with pictures on how to do this with a regular sewing machine. Here is a tutorial for a no-sew version (although it relies on being able to buy a t-shirt or cami that would work). The only thing missing in the first tutorial is sizing information. But that's easy: measure around your hips. Subtract 2-3" from that measurement. This is how long to cut your fabric. As for height, measure from where you want the bottom to hit from where you want the top to hit on your body, then double that measurement (since this tutorial has you fold the fabric, making a double layer). Add 1" for seam allowance, and this is how tall to cut your fabric. You definitely want to get a knit with some lycra/Spandex in it. If you're not sure where to go for those, I recommend Fabric.com.
Downsides: yeah, it can be a challenge to get on, moreso than just a shirt. Also, I've noticed that after a while, I do have to hike up my jeans, which usually involves flipping the bottom of the band up, pulling up my jeans, then putting the band back down. Then again, I have to hike up my jeans all the damn time even if they are buttoned, so this is less the fault of the Bella Band and more the fault of gravity. It also doesn't deal well if I have to squat down and get something - jeans come down, band often comes up, readjusting happens. Also, they cover up my pockets, as well as my belt loops, so I can't put shit in my pockets easily, nor can I clip my keys to my back belt loops as I am accustomed to doing. And again, they're expensive. I dropped $50 on just two of them.
Upsides: oh holy shit I don't have to buy new paaaaaaants. And I do personally find them really comfortable. It's also been about 20F here, so you know, I'm not in 90F with 90% humidity, which I suspect might change my viewpoint a bit.
Upsides: Super inexpensive. You probably have what you need in your house already. Easy to expand, because you can use a bigger band or tie, or loop a couple together in a chain. If your shirt is long enough, this will be covered up.
Downsides: If your shirt rides up, everyone sees your knickers. This is less practical if you have to leave the house. It also requires some manual dexterity to do, so if you have e.g. arthritis or swollen fingers, this can be tougher.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Perfect Pregnant Bellies
[contents: body image, fat hate, racism, ableism, trans hate]
So when I say the words "perfect pregnant belly", what do you think of?
Is it something like this?
Chances are, it is. The epitome of "perfect pregnant belly" belongs to a white woman, relatively small-framed, who looks like she has a basketball for a belly. It has smooth, firm skin, no stretch marks in sight, certainly no extra fat anywhere to be seen. And that's what's in that picture.
When you google "perfect pregnant belly", images like that one are an AWFUL lot of what comes up. There's more variety than I was expecting - some people showing their C-section scars, some with stretch marks, some with henna. I had to scroll some to find someone with dark skin though, and there was only one. All the rest were light skinned. 90% or thereabouts were headless pictures.
What I didn't see were any pregnant bellies that looked like mine.
Sure, I'm a (very pale-skinned, although it's funny how not being "how are you alive" anemic has changed that) white woman. So I saw lots of skin tones like mine, which is typical for media. White and light-skinned folks are way, way over-represented, thanks racism. But I didn't see any fat pregnant bellies in that search. I didn't see any bellies on people who have big thighs like me, and arm fat that hangs below their triceps like me, who had stretch marks on their bellies and breasts long before they were pregnant, like me.
I didn't see any pictures of people who have dark body hair on their arms and legs and lower abdomens like me. I didn't see any pictures of people whose breasts were never "perky" or "firm", but pretty much always looked like a cantaloupe in a sock, like me. I didn't see pictures of pregnant bellies on people who have what their mothers call, not unkindly, "junk in the trunk" like me, with dimpled flesh and back fat and jiggliness all over, like me.
And that's just like me. There's way more things that aren't represented in that "perfect pregnant belly" imagery we get.
That's deliberate.
People will try to tell you that the kind of bodies you see most often represented aren't the result of deliberate choice, that it's all just "how these things work" and nobody is really at fault and it just happens, like the world is a fucking vacuum and culture has no influence on this sort of thing. They're full of shit. The fact that "perfect" is attached to thin white cis able-bodied people with no visible "flaws" is not an accident. It's not an accident in modeling, it's not an accident on tv, it's not an accident in pregnancy. It's not an accident ANYWHERE.
Racism is not an accident. Fat hate is not an accident. Trans hate is not an accident. Ableism is not an accident. What society tells you is "perfect" is not a fucking accident.
And fuck all of that.
Because you know what? My fat pregnant belly IS perfect. It's MINE. There's A FETUS GROWING IN THERE. All of a sudden two weeks ago I saw myself in profile in the mirror and went HOLY SHIT, I LOOK PREGNANT. This is a very wanted pregnancy for me, and that was EXCITING. No, I don't have that "smuggling a basketball look", and I almost certainly never will. But what I DO have, is MY pregnant belly. And MY pregnant belly is fucking perfect.
You know what? If you are pregnant and want to be, and you have a pregnant belly? YOUR PREGNANT BELLY IS PERFECT TOO.
So when I say the words "perfect pregnant belly", what do you think of?
Is it something like this?
Chances are, it is. The epitome of "perfect pregnant belly" belongs to a white woman, relatively small-framed, who looks like she has a basketball for a belly. It has smooth, firm skin, no stretch marks in sight, certainly no extra fat anywhere to be seen. And that's what's in that picture.
When you google "perfect pregnant belly", images like that one are an AWFUL lot of what comes up. There's more variety than I was expecting - some people showing their C-section scars, some with stretch marks, some with henna. I had to scroll some to find someone with dark skin though, and there was only one. All the rest were light skinned. 90% or thereabouts were headless pictures.
What I didn't see were any pregnant bellies that looked like mine.
Sure, I'm a (very pale-skinned, although it's funny how not being "how are you alive" anemic has changed that) white woman. So I saw lots of skin tones like mine, which is typical for media. White and light-skinned folks are way, way over-represented, thanks racism. But I didn't see any fat pregnant bellies in that search. I didn't see any bellies on people who have big thighs like me, and arm fat that hangs below their triceps like me, who had stretch marks on their bellies and breasts long before they were pregnant, like me.
I didn't see any pictures of people who have dark body hair on their arms and legs and lower abdomens like me. I didn't see any pictures of people whose breasts were never "perky" or "firm", but pretty much always looked like a cantaloupe in a sock, like me. I didn't see pictures of pregnant bellies on people who have what their mothers call, not unkindly, "junk in the trunk" like me, with dimpled flesh and back fat and jiggliness all over, like me.
And that's just like me. There's way more things that aren't represented in that "perfect pregnant belly" imagery we get.
That's deliberate.
People will try to tell you that the kind of bodies you see most often represented aren't the result of deliberate choice, that it's all just "how these things work" and nobody is really at fault and it just happens, like the world is a fucking vacuum and culture has no influence on this sort of thing. They're full of shit. The fact that "perfect" is attached to thin white cis able-bodied people with no visible "flaws" is not an accident. It's not an accident in modeling, it's not an accident on tv, it's not an accident in pregnancy. It's not an accident ANYWHERE.
Racism is not an accident. Fat hate is not an accident. Trans hate is not an accident. Ableism is not an accident. What society tells you is "perfect" is not a fucking accident.
And fuck all of that.
Because you know what? My fat pregnant belly IS perfect. It's MINE. There's A FETUS GROWING IN THERE. All of a sudden two weeks ago I saw myself in profile in the mirror and went HOLY SHIT, I LOOK PREGNANT. This is a very wanted pregnancy for me, and that was EXCITING. No, I don't have that "smuggling a basketball look", and I almost certainly never will. But what I DO have, is MY pregnant belly. And MY pregnant belly is fucking perfect.
You know what? If you are pregnant and want to be, and you have a pregnant belly? YOUR PREGNANT BELLY IS PERFECT TOO.
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