Okay, so giving birth, right?

[Content: tmi, medical, childbirth, needles in various forms, hospital, blood]

So the story of The Kid being born, I'm going to start the day before, on May 1.

I had an appointment with the midwife, and omfg was I RIPSHIT. Basically any time any of the super-nice nurses asked "oh how are you doing" all I could do was growl-whine "I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE". Which they took in stride and agreed with me, so that helped. I hurt, I was tired, I felt like crap, I was DONE DONE DONE.

I'd been having contractions off and on for a month by this point. Never mind the fact that, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was at higher risk of delivering early. So at this appointment, they wanted to perform a non-stress test, since I was at 41 weeks and 1 day, also known as "post-dates". Did I have contractions during the NST? OF COURSE NOT. But The Kid looked fine, more or less. There was one small, non-emergency finding that prompted my midwife to schedule an ultrasound for the next day, May 2, but that was it.

I was asked if I wanted a vaginal exam. I seriously thought about it, but declined. I figured if there were any changes from the last one, it would get my hopes up so far and then if nothing happened I'd be in even worse shape mentally, and if there were no changes, it would just feed the brainweasels telling me that I would be pregnant forever.

Seriously. Those brainweasels were all about telling me a, that everything was the WORST, and b, that I would just be pregnant forever, la la la, and that's fine, let's start thinking about what that will look like and what I'll need to change in my life to account for that, doop de do. I would tell The Man that I would be Pregnant Forever, and my voice would be that kind of cheerful rational that you know is actually not at all cheerful or rational, and is in fact a little scary.

But I was going to be Pregnant Forever, so FINE.

The midwife asked me if I wanted to talk about induction. I said to her "well I assume you won't let me go past 42 weeks anyway" at which point she breaks in and says oh no, if everything looks fine, they'll let me go past 42 weeks, at which point I broke in and said "Okay well I do not want to go past 42 weeks". I know that in my birth plan I had said I'd want to go past, but by this point I was so fucking constantly uncomfortable, if not in outright pain from my hips, and so sick of everything, and so upset basically all the time, that it wasn't worth it to me to not be induced.

So we scheduled an induction, for the next Wednesday, at 42 weeks, and I went home.

That night, we go to bed. Now, weeks ago, at the advice of a friend (HI BRIGID), I'd bought a waterproof pad and put it under my side of the bed. There was a plasticky backing to it, so it kind of crinkled and was hot to sleep on, but I hadn't gotten rid of it. Which was good, because about quarter after 1, I turned off the light, rolled over, and oh SHIT that was DEFINITELY my water breaking uh wow yeah that is unmistakeable.

I actually said "OH SHIT" and woke up The Man. Then I was like "SO I'M GOING TO MAKE A PHONE CALL" as he starts getting dressed. Since I was group B strep positive, my water breaking meant WELP HOSPITAL TIME RIGHT NOW. For most people, water breaking is HEY WELCOME TO LABOR PRETTY SOON GO AHEAD AND STAY HOME SLEEP IF YOU CAN. Yeah.

So I call the midwives and am like no really my water broke, I'm sitting in a like foot-wide wet spot on my bed, really, that's what it has to be. I wasn't having contractions at that point, but they were like "yeah, you should come in." So we finish getting dressed, finish packing the auxiliary hospital bag, and make our way down there.

Before we left, I took one last belly picture, and I'm smiling in it for the first time in weeks, because my mind is saying BABY IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OR LESS AWWWWW YEAH.

Here is that picture:

We get to the hospital, and while The Man parks the car, I check in. I'm still not really having contractions. I'd had one or two in the car, but nothing big and nothing regular. I sign another eight million forms and get walked up to the antenatal testing and evaluation unit, so that they can test and evaluate us HAR HAR. Basically they had me get naked, put on a hospital gown, have people stick some pH paper in my vagina to see if it was amniotic fluid I was leaking (OH I TOTALLY WAS), then hook me up to the fetal heart monitor and contraction monitor, like they would do during a non-stress test.

I FINALLY HAD SOME CONTRACTIONS WHILE BEING MONITORED it was so fucking affirming. Finally, NO, I WASN'T MAKING THIS UP I KNEW WHAT I WAS FEELING WERE CONTRACTIONS. But it's like three-thirty in the morning so after the heplock was put in my arm (and the nurse who did that did an AMAZING job), so they dim the lights and advise us to get some sleep. We are also told that it's a busy night and all of the labor and delivery rooms are currently full, so who knows if or when we'll get one! It could be interesting!

I'm laying in the bed, and The Man is trying to sleep in the one chair in the room, and not doing well. I'm kind of dozing, but mostly super excited. So I try to read as I'm getting my penicillin. This is maybe four, four-thirty in the morning. And I start having regular contractions. So I start timing them.

They're ten minutes apart.

Then seven minutes apart.

Then five minutes apart.

FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.

They're not super-painful, but it's enough that I'm like yup, contraction. So when the nurse comes in she hooks me back up to the monitor, and puts the word out that we'll need a labor and delivery room. The Man and I entertain ourselves by watching the monitor through the contractions. They're getting a bit stronger, enough that I have to take a few deep breaths during them, but not bad. The Man is fascinated by being able to predict exactly when he'll see my facial expression change during a contraction.

The nurse and I naturally chit-chatted and made friends. She asked if I had a birth plan and what it was, and when I told her that I was planning no painkillers, that labor didn't scare me, she told me "oooh I love the tough girls, y'all are my favorite". Pretty much all of the nurses, I made friends with. It was awesome.

Around seven, seven-thirty, a labor and delivery room is free, so our nurse snags that shit for us and we are moved down the hall. I walked under my own power! Good times. The labor and delivery room is much larger, has a more comfortable bed, has more outlets, and its own bathroom with a jacuzzi and a shower, hell yeah. We are advised to sleep while we can, and hey, here's the room service menu maybe order some breakfast they'll bring it to you. So we order some food. We got blueberry pancakes, which were adequate. I didn't eat much, again, excited, and really didn't have much of an appetite.

Also it was apparently an ISSUE that I brought my own thyroid medication and took it myself without a nurse there whoops. Everything I'd read said "take your medications with you to the hospital", and the nurses were like "oh well we'll get you some Synthroid from our pharmacy why use yours". I had to explain that I wasn't ON Synthroid, I was on Tirosint, and I'd prefer to use mine, thanks. They took my box of meds to the pharmacy to get checked in, which took hours, and basically all that happened was it was put in a ziploc bag with a little sticker on it with my name and a barcode, and had a disclaimer form in there that I never signed that said I DO NOT HOLD THE HOSPITAL OR PHARMACY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDICATION etc. and so on.  Yeah, okay. Wev.

So for most of the morning and afternoon, I was in labor. I was also on Twitter, because it was early labor, and yeah, I could tell it was happening, but it wasn't super painful. For a while I was on a birthing ball, I took a hot shower for like forty-five minutes, I walked around. The nurses and midwives encouraged me to eat, so we got some lunch. I had a cheeseburger and fries, which were okay but not the most amazing cheeseburger I've had. But okay. The Man was on the internets on his tablet and trying to sleep in the chair in the room.

Throughout the afternoon, the intensity of the contractions ramped up - as in, they were more painful, and I'd have to stop talking during one, but nothing where I was OMG IN PAIN OMG. I had penicillin every four hours, and that was really the reason I was at the hospital - otherwise I would have gone through all of this at home. The contractions varied some more in their timing - they would be five minutes apart, then ten for a while, then back to seven, but they didn't stop. I also continued leaking fluid, which was OH SO FUN. I basically spent the day wearing just a hospital gown, because fuck underwear when a baby could pop out soon.

I also definitely spent like an hour talking with one of the nurses - who herself had like NINE KIDS - about the state of child mental health services and child protection services in the state.

In the bathroom was a bag with some mesh underwear, and giant-ass pads. There was a package of pads on the shelf in the bathroom - "Curity" was the brand, but it was open and the bag had sagged just enough that it looked like it said "Cunty", which entertained me NO END.

The nurses also had me walking up and down the hall, which I did with The Man. My hips were still in poor shape, so it was slow progress, and the later it got, the more I had to stop walking during contractions, but it was fine.

Towards about four pm, the midwife came in to see me. The nice thing was the midwife on duty all day was one that I REALLY liked - she was the one who gave me the huge hug when I was released from maternal-fetal medicine. So anyway, she comes in to check up on me. And while the fact that I'm still in early labor is not in and of itself a problem, she's concerned because by this point I'd had A LOT of penicillin. Like a lot a lot. And they don't have a time limit on delivery, per se - so nothing like "within 24 hours of your water breaking" - but that's a lot of drugs for me and baby, and maybe we should think about a little pitocin to see if that kicks things in to high gear.

I am okay with this plan because I AM DONE BEING PREGNANT I AM HAVING MY BABY GODDAMN TODAY THAT IS FINAL.

The midwife advised me to eat something, because once the pitocin started, I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything. Also, I'd have to be hooked up to a monitor continuously during the pitocin. Oh and we should do an ultrasound to confirm what position the baby is in.

The Man brought me some toast with peanut butter on it, and I wolfed that down. I also drank some more water. We did an ultrasound and the baby was in the right occiput posterior position - so head down, but the back along my right side, and hir face was facing up, away from my back - "sunny-side up" if you will, and looking right at the ultrasound wand. Which explained a few things, especially how I could feel their hands fluttering right in front and low during the last few months of pregnancy. It also explained why I kept leaning back during contractions.

Once we did the ultrasound, I was hooked back up to the monitors and we started the pitocin. I really didn't have much of it - maybe 1 cc in total. Basically it started and a few minutes later OH SHIT hi welcome to active labor. I had been skeptical about the "oh, you won't be able to mistake active labor" bit that I was told, but NOPE NO MISTAKING THIS. ACTIVE LABOR WAS NOT KIDDING. I was laying in the bed, on my right side - in the hopes that we could help the baby to rotate - and jeezy muffin creezy. I held on tight to the rail of the bed, moaned, wanted to scream but was talked through moaning by the midwife, and yo, it wasn't kidding.

I also puked. A LOT.

Now, I had been nauseated during contractions earlier, and had said a few times "ugh I feel like I'm going to puke." This, after a few contractions, went from "I feel like I'm going to puke" to "DEFINITELY GOING TO PUKE". Some quick thinking from the midwife and The Man ensured I had a container to puke in. The peanut butter toast? Came right back up. And then I puked like three more times. After the second time, I am pretty sure my entire GI tract tried to evacuate via my throat. It was deeply, deeply unpleasant. I fucking hate puking, and I honestly could not help it at all. It was NOPE PUKING NOW.

The midwife was wonderful. She told me "during labor, vomit and blood and nausea are GOOD signs." Which, yes, the were signs labor was progressing, but oh jeebus, fuck vomiting, fuck that shit.

I also started having back labor. Fuck back labor. I labored for a while on my hands and knees, which made keeping the monitor hooked up to me difficult. They kept losing the baby's heartbeat. We decided to take me off the pitocin so that I could be taken off the monitors. They still had to check the baby's heartbeat every fifteen minutes, but I didn't have to be continuously monitored. Active labor definitely continued without the pitocin. The midwife encouraged me to breathe, moan with a low pitch, mouth open - "open mouth open cervix" - and relax between contractions. During the first part of active labor, that was pretty easy to do, especially while I was on my hands and knees.

Later on, that was not so easy. Like I said, I definitely had back labor. Back labor is unsurprising with a posterior-presenting baby. I spent a long time sitting on the toilet, because it had a really high pipe in the back for the flush mechanism, and I could rest my head on it between contractions.

After an hour or two, the midwives wanted me to move, so I was back on the birthing ball, leaning back against The Man. The contractions were way more intense. With back labor, I didn't get a break during contractions at all, so basically I was constantly in pain. The pain definitely got WORSE during a contraction, but it never went away. That made labor a fuckton harder. Additionally, I was getting frustrated because the nurse would talk me through a contraction - saying things like "okay, it's easing, it's going away now". Which wasn't always true. I had a number of contractions that "double-peaked", meaning I'd hit a peak pain in the contraction, and it would fade a little, then hit a second, stronger peak before finally easing. They would also come in waves - three less intense contractions, then three more intense contractions.

The nurses and midwives also wanted me to lean forward with contractions, but that made shit hurt worse - also not unusual with a posterior baby and back labor. So I kept leaning back with contractions.

By this point, I was tired as fuck and crying. All I could say was "make it stop, make it stop". I was pretty out of it with pain. Not going to lie, I had a conversation with the nurse and The Man about how I know I had said I didn't want an epidural but oh my god the pain just didn't stop, it wouldn't stop, make it stop. The nurse put me off and said "well when the midwife comes back we can talk about an epidural." She told me after I gave birth that once I hit that point, she was pretty sure I was at least 8-9 centimeters dilated.

Some time later, the midwife came back in. The earlier midwife had gone off duty, so this was a new one - except that we'd met her when we went in thinking that maybe my water had broken. Her style was not huggy, it was very calm, matter of fact, and firm, which is what I needed at that point. She had me get up on the bed and try laying on my side. And then I had a contraction and OH WELL SHIT WE'RE PUSHING NOW. It was honestly a little frightening. I was pushing and I did not have a choice in the matter, it was happening SO FUCKING THERE. Like I said, I was kind of out of it with pain, so I cried as I explained that I had to push I couldn't help it.  The midwife did the first and only vaginal exam I had and said "you're almost fully dilated, there's just a thin rim and one more good contraction should to it." That got my attention - even the midwife said "oh you just came back to me a little now." And honestly I had, for two reasons. The first was that the end was in sight. The second was that the back pain had gone away finally, indicating The Kid had rotated and was ready to rock and roll.

I pushed for about twenty minutes. Not straight - I was still only having contractions about every four to five minutes, so I got a definite break. During contractions, the nurse and The Man were holding up my legs, as I was laying on my back in the bed. Which we found interesting, because we heard how oh, that's the hardest position, it's better to squat, blah blah blah, and here I was in it anyway. Whatever, it worked and didn't hurt.

And really, pushing hurt way less than active labor. It was intense as fuck - there was definitely one where I screamed like R2D2 - but it hurt less. The midwife did have to keep reminding me don't scream with the effort, push all that down. So instead my face turned MASSIVELY PURPLE - The Man was like "oh shit, is she going to have a freaking aneurism" he told me later. It was a LOT of effort. But in between I put my legs down, and was aware enough that when I felt one coming on, I could be like "pick up my legs please" before I had to really push.

As I was pushing, the midwife first asked if I wanted a mirror. I responded with a flat "NO." A bit later, as The Kid was crowning, she said "give me your hand" and I responded with the same flat "NO." The Man watched the entire process, but I was not interested in watching or feeling with my hand. I WAS PRETTY AWARE OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING, I DO HAVE NERVE ENDINGS IN AND AROUND MY VAGINA, THANK YOU. I KNOW WHERE THE KID IS, AND THEY ARE NOT OUT YET.

Like I said, I only pushed for like twenty minutes. At one point the midwife was asking after the OB on call and asking that they be notified to be ready, which I thought meant that I was going to have a c-section. I thought to myself OH HELL TO THE FUCK NO. This perception was bolstered by the fact that as The Kid descended through the birth canal, their heart rate started dropping. So the midwife was pretty clear that The Kid needed to come out REAL QUICK. After another push the midwife said "we need to do an episiotomy, is that okay?" and I was barely done saying "okay" before I felt the snip. And after maybe three more pushes The Kid was out.

After the head popped out the midwife told me to stop for a minute and not push - turns out The Kid had their hands fisted up in front of their mouth, and then the cord wrapped around all of that, so the midwife quickly unlooped the cord, and then then PLOP baby was out. Feeling a baby slither out of my vagina was definitely an interesting feeling I am never going to forget.

They put the baby on my chest, skin-to-skin, where I exhaustedly cooed to hir. Then they took hir away to be weighed, etc. The Man went with. I stayed on the table. For over an hour. Because it turns out the reason the midwife wanted the OB ready to go was because she could tell that oh shit was I going to need some serious stitching up. During the stitching up, I chatted with the OB and midwife. Turns out the midwives there have a 2% episiotomy rate so yeah, I really needed one, and even with that, I had a 3rd degree tear and a fair amount of interior and lateral tearing as well. Like I said, it was over an hour to stitch me up. I also found out that I lost almost as much blood as I would have had I had a c-section FUN TIMES.

After I was stitched up, The Man brought The Kid over to me so that I could try breastfeeding. All of the sites and shit are like OH MAKE SURE THE BABY LATCHES ON IN THE FIRST HOUR AFTER BIRTH, yeah, well, that wasn't an option, but it didn't seem to matter, because The Kid latched on like a fucking PRO and nursed contentedly.

After that and some additional clean-up, and after a bassinet was found - they were running a little short on those - we finally got moved to the post-partum room. The hospital was so busy that weekend that we were in an overflow room on a different floor, in one of the pediatric units. But, the room had a cot for The Man, and there was still snacks down the hall. My overnight nurse for my entire stay was Pam, and lo, she was AWESOME. We really bonded. She was tickled when I informed her that by bringing me food, she was now my FAVORITEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, for lo, I was SO FUCKING HUNGRY. I devoured some Cheerios, some peanut butter toast, a fuckton of water, graham crackers, some other shit. Basically whatever was available for free in the kitchen down the hall (one of the selling points to this hospital was that the labor and delivery unit had kitchens available for patient use, including free food like cereal, milk, tea, coffee, juice, ginger ale, popsicles, bread, bagels, butter, peanut butter... that sort of thing). FOOD WAS DELICIOUS.

Also the midwife came and checked up on me. Turns out after you give birth, they are really keen on you peeing as soon as possible. But everything is all swollen and numb in that area, so it can be difficult. I got to pee in front of my nurse and midwife. Turns out the trick is to sit on the toilet and blow in to a straw in a cup of water. I DON'T EVEN KNOW, but it totally works. Pam them showed me the joys of ice packs and witch hazel and lidocaine delivered to one's bits via mesh undies. Bulky, messy, and yet OH MY FUCKING GOD FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

And then I slept. By the time The Velociraptor was born, I had been up for about 36 hours and The Man for over 40. He made up the cot in the room and had passed the fuck out about five minutes after we got the room. Once I had eaten and peed and gotten a dose of ibuprofen and The Kid was asleep, I did the same thing. Mmm. Sleep.

And that's basically it. Even during labor, I never was like I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN. It was hard. It was painful... and yeah I want more kids. Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my care providers and hospital (I do NOT love the bills, but wev). They were awesome and I will definitely be returning if possible for the next one.

THINGS I LIKE: Cloth Diapers Edition

When I was pregnant with The Velociraptor, The Man and I (really I, and The Man acceded) decided we would give cloth diapers a try. Cue my reading every possible blog post about cloth diapers out there, from what were the best brands, to how to wash, to different types, etc. and so on.

Now that I am cloth diapering full-time at home, HAHAHAH NOW I GET TO MAKE ONE OF THOSE POSTS YESSSSSSSSSS

I'm not going to go in to the basics of types of diapers, etc. and so on. What I'm going to detail is what we use, what we like/dislike about them, details about fit, and how we wash the whole mess of them. Because this is the sort of thing I found immensely helpful when making my decisions. I will also note, if you're thinking about trying cloth diapers, SO MANY PEOPLE give them away ALL THE TIME. Here is a fabulous weekly giveaway round-up. That includes cloth diapers, cloth diaper accessories, and other baby products. People can also add their own "family-friendly" giveaways to the link-up at the bottom. Some of my stash came from giveaways, so hey.

Anyway so what we use are prefolds and flats with waterproof diaper covers (to date, all of them are made of PUL). We fold up the diaper, lay it in a cover, and apply that to The Kid. It seriously is no more complicated than using a disposable diaper. We chose this for a couple reasons. One, it's probably the cheapest way to cloth diaper. Two, it's fucking easy to wash. Everything I've read suggests that all of the human-made fibers used in some of the fancier options get a stink in them after a few months that is nigh impossible to remove. Plus, you can use pretty much any detergent on 100% cotton... the human-made fibers usually require special "cloth diaper" detergents.

I will now go through brand by brand what covers, prefolds, and flats we have. Links will be to the manufacturer's or retailer's website. These are NOT referral links, and I have received no compensation for any of this post - this literally is just my opinions and experiences. The Kid was approximately 8 lbs. at birth, and is built long and lean (seriously, their hips, SO NARROW). Their thighs are not what I'd call particularly chunky, either, although they aren't particularly bony or lean, either.

Covers

• Flip one-size covers
  The manufacturer, Cotton Babies, call these a "hybrid diaper system" and sells their own branded inserts for them. I have none of the Flip inserts, but I do have Flip covers in just about every color made, and at least one of the special edition patterns, and we have them in both hook-and-loop and snap closures. These are probably my overall favorite cover and the first ones I reach for (there's a reason I have so many... seriously, like EVERY COLOR THEY HAVE MADE TO DATE except like, Armadillo). These are designed as a "one-size" cover, and when The Kid was a newborn weighing around 8 lbs., fit hir the second best. They continue to fit very well, and it's just now that I had to adjust the rise. They're trim, they hold up well and contain messes, and I have no preference for hook-and-loop or snaps. They're really nice and widely available. I just wish they came in more patterns.


• Thirsties Duo Wrap sized covers
  These are probably The Man's favorite, and I like them quite a bit too. Unlike Flips and most other covers, these are sized - so, there's a smaller size for smaller babies, and a larger size for larger babies and toddlers. We have four or five of these in size one, and honestly, when The Kid was a newborn, these fit the best. They are very trim. I prefer the hook and loop of these - it's good, solid hook-and-loop, and provides a little bit better fit in the waist. I love that they have double leg gussets, but wish they had flaps to tuck your inserts in like the Flips (not that this has seemed to make a difference in effectiveness, I note). I adjusted the rise on these before the Flips, but they weren't the first that needed adjusting. They're also not all the way unsnapped for the rise yet, although the way The Kid is growing, they probably will be next week. The fabric is nice, although like the Flips, I wish they came in more patterns -  I don't like the colored cover with white trim they have going on. Buuuuut I will probably buy some size twos in a few months.


• Econobums one-size covers
  I actually won a trial kit of these, containing one cover and three prefolds. I'm prepping the prefolds right now, although they are nice and soft right out of the box. As for the cover, it's been in use a few weeks, and The Man's description of it I think is spot on: "It is 'econo'." It's the same cut as Flips (they are from the same manufacturer), but there's only one row of snaps to fasten the waist (Flips have a double-row) and the PUL used is definitely thinner, and a little see-through, and it doesn't have the nice flaps to tuck your insert in to like the Flips do. That being said, it does the job alright. 


• Bumkins one-size covers
  One of these in the turtle pattern was actually the first cover I bought (zulily was having a sale on them... although I think you can find them cheaper than what I paid. Oh well). They fit really well, and I like that they have the double leg gussets and flaps to tuck your inserts in to. But when they say "all snap", they are NOT KIDDING. SO MANY SNAPS. SOOOO MANY SNAPS. Honestly, I don't bother fastening all of the waist snaps when I use these. Also, these are the only covers we have that have the rise snaps totally unsnapped, and we did that pretty early on. Of our one-size covers, these are probably the smallest. The fabric is nice, and is softer and stretchier than any of the other covers, and almost silky. However, that turtle one I bought? Had a total leg elastic failure on one side a month in. It was an easy fix for me (I sew), but disappointing.


• Diaper Safari one-size covers
  Yeah a bunch of the diaper websites have their own in-house covers. WHAT. LET'S GIVE MORE VARIETY. Anyway, these have apparently been redesigned since I bought mine, but the old ones are definitely the biggest covers we have. They are BIG for one-size, and even now, at 2.5 months, the leg gussets are still loose on the kid. The rise is still as small as we can make it. We usually stuff these with prefolds. They also have many snaps, but not as many as the Bumkins. The fabric is nice, thick, and slightly stretchy, and my god, you can NOT beat the price. Diaper Safari also frequently runs sales and has a rewards program. However, these are probably our least favorite right now, simply because they are STILL too big, and the kid weighs close to 12 lbs. I would recommend them for very chunky-thighed babies.


• Blueberry Coveralls one-size covers
  I first got one of these in hook-and-loop because IT WAS A COW-SPOT PATTERN I HAD TO HAVE IT OKAY. These are the second-biggest covers we have in our stash, and they are accurate when they say that their sizing starts at 10 lbs. At 8 lbs., they were too big. By one month, they fit nicely. We haven't adjusted the rise on these yet, although I probably will this week. I like that they have double-leg gussets, but I definitely prefer the snaps in these. I don't like how they do the "laundry tabs" for the hook-and-loop, and prefer the one we have with snaps.  Also, the inside of the cow cover is slightly discolored, and the hook-and-loop band on the front has warped a bit, so it curls. Still works just fine, though. 


• Nicki's Diapers one-sized covers
  I got one of these because OMG HOUNDSTOOTH. This the third-biggest cover we have. We still haven't adjusted the rise. I like it fine, but it's not my favorite. But again, an excellent economy option for covers. I don't like how the laundry tabs are done on this one, either, for the hook-and-loop. but that's a personal preference - they work just fine.


• Imagine one-sized covers
  I bought one of these because OMG DINOSAURS... and we kind of hate it. Honestly, it's not even in use right now, and I'll probably sell it. In our experience, it does not fit from 8 lbs. up, and it still didn't fit quite right at 10 lbs. It might be better now, but since we have plenty of other options... it languishes in the back of the drawer. I have this in hook-and-loop.

Inserts

• Gerber birdseye cotton flats
  I wound up getting a package of these at my baby shower. I did have cloth diapers on my registry, and even Gerber cloth diapers, but I had prefolds to use as burp cloths. ANYWAY, I got them, and dutifully prepped them, and I am glad I did. Flats are the cheapest insert options, generally, and these are proooobably the cheapest flats out there. I will say "you get what you pay for", but also say that using these converted me to flats. They are thin, soft cotton, almost see-through. They will warp in the wash. The edges are finished just with some serging, and they will fray. And I still use them. They absorb well, wash easily, and it only takes me a few minutes to fold them all up via a pad fold for stuffing in to covers. Especially when The Kid was a newborn, these fit fantastically, and are still going strong now at 2.5 months. Plus, these are probably the most widely available flats - I know Babies R Us by me carries them, and I believe Target does too. Most other flats and prefolds are not sold in stores, although Babies R Us I think does carry OsoCozy.


• Diaper Rite birdseye cotton flats
  So as I mentioned, I got converted to flats. So then I wanted to buy more, because especially at first, prefolds were just too bulky on The Velociraptor. I priced out a bunch of places, and these wound up the least expensive. Y'all, these are NICE. The fabric is a good thickness - thicker than quilting cotton, less thick than denim, definitely not see-through. The diapers are cut selvedge to selvedge, and the cut ends are finished with a rolled hem (for those that do not sew and have no idea what I just said, just know that they are made very, very nicely and that the edges will not fray). They have stayed square through washing. The size small are still good-sized; they are slightly bigger than the Gerber prefolds. The Kid has slept through the night with just one of these in their diaper and has woken up with zero leaks. Definitely recommended. Diaper Junction, the retailer of these, also has coupons and a rewards program.


• Diaper Rite cotton doublers
  I got some of these for free with a couple of orders, and while I wasn't planning on getting doublers, I could not pass up free. These are awesome, trim, 100% cotton inserts you can fold in to the middle of a prefold or flat to add some extra absorbency. I have them bleached and unbleached, and both washed up soft and fluffy, and work great. Now that The Kid is a little older and can sleep 11 hours overnight, we usually fold one of these in to a prefold for the night.


• Diaper Rite cotton prefolds
  Huh I did not realize that we had pretty much all Diaper Rite inserts. Huh. ANYWAY so since nobody bought me the prefolds I had on my baby registry, I priced out prefolds and read reviews and bought half a dozen of the size small, and half a dozen of the size medium, in white. These are very nice. They are a good heavyweight twill, nice and thick, and hold up to anything we've thrown at them though. I will say, however, that the size small was still too bulky on The Kid at 8 lbs., so I'd recommend them for closer to 10 lbs. and up. We also use the mediums as a soaker pad on the changing pad, because The Kid really loves to pee all over in the middle of diaper changes. SIGH. Anyway, I have some Gerber "premium" prefolds for use as burp cloths, and while I'm sure those would work as diapers, you can tell the difference (not even Gerber promotes them primarily for diapers, they are all like OH LOOK BURP CLOTHS, CLEANING RAGS, YEAH). The Diaper Rites are thicker in the middle, thicker in the wings, quilt up nicer, and are softer. (But seriously, get you some cloth diapers for burp cloths.) These are bulkier than the flats when in use, but not OH GOD SO BULKY. Even with these, I have not had to size up any of The Kid's clothes to account for the diaper.

Washing

Y'all there are SO MANY WASHING INSTRUCTIONS FOR CLOTH DIAPERS OUT THERE I CAN'T EVEN.  It depends on what kind of washer you have, what diapers you have, what kind of water you have, etc. and so on. I will say that I found the instructions on washing from Green Mountain Diapers helpful, both on the website and in their booklet - although they can kind of ramble and repeat themselves.

Since we have all cotton with PUL covers, our wash routine is pretty simple. We throw the soiled diapers (and cloth wipes) in to a wet bag we have hanging off the changing table. (Some people say that you can wipe out a PUL insert if the baby has just peed and reuse it... we don't do this, because it kind of squicks us out.) We do not bother trying to get the inserts out of the covers; they come out just fine in the wash. When the wet bag gets pretty full, we take it to the washer and do the following:

• Run a prewash cycle on warm
• Run a "super-wash" long cycle on hot, with an extra rinse
• Dry the cotton in the dryer on medium for the max cycle length
• Hang the covers and wet bag to dry

We have a top-loading, non-HE washer. It has an automatic water level sensor, so in order to get enough water in the load, we not only put it on "bulky items" (which means it adds extra water), we override the water level sensor. We never fill it more than halfway with cloth diapers, since one consistent thing is that you need a lot of water for each diaper, and this way there's plenty. I definitely recommend reading your fucking washer manual to see all of the neat features you may like or need to counteract on yours.

As for detergent, since we are using cotton, we just use All free and clear, like we do for our regular clothes. We have had zero issues getting diapers clean with it, and have run in to zero issues with absorbency.  For each load, we use about half the amount recommended on the bottle for a "medium" load. We also live in a city with what is widely considered some of the best municipal water in the country - we do not have hard water. Oh, and definitely do NOT use fabric softener of any kind with cloth diapers, even dryer sheets.

For drying, we do have some wool dryer balls that I like to throw in with the cotton, to make sure it's fluffed up, but we did plenty of loads without them and it worked fine. The cycle length is long just to make sure the prefolds get dry - flats and wipes dry really fucking quickly. We hang the covers to dry to help the PUL last as long as possible. I have a drying rack similar to this one set up in the laundry area. I hang the covers and bags up and they dry pretty quickly.

We do a load of diapers every 24-36 hours. We've got... maybe 20 or so covers and flats, and when your baby can go through 14 diaper changes in a day some days, you need to. Plus, this cuts down on stink. The only time I have had a stink problem was right before vacation. I held off on doing a load of diapers because I wanted to get the last few from the next morning in. Fine, except that I left the loaded wet bag hanging in our laundry area, which is in our attic, so they basically roasted. I washed them with our regular routine, and they still smelled. So I went through the routine again, except I  added 1/4 C of bleach to the "super-wash" cycle, and that did the trick. Some manufacturers say to not use bleach; Cotton Babies recommends using a small amount of bleach once a month. A small amount of bleach once in a while is not going to ruin cotton or PUL, and sometimes you just need it.

Right now, we also don't rinse the poop out of the diapers. The Kid is partially breastfed, so the poop is pretty liquid. Sometimes if they have more formula, it's a little thicker, but even then, we don't bother rinsing it. We have found that with our diapers and wash routine, the poop comes right out. We haven't had any problems with staining, either. And no, neither the diapers nor the washer smell of poop. The diapers smell like either nothing, or grass - unbleached cotton has its own grassy smell, which I am amazed that it still hangs on to after so many washes.

Finally, in order to use cotton diapers, you have to prep them. Basically, you are stripping all of the natural oils from the cotton to make them as absorbent as possible. I prep mine by washing them five times on hot with detergent, drying in between.

And that's it. I am happy to answer questions in comments or via the Twittermachine.

Things The Velociraptor Is Doing: Week 11

• Not only has zie discovered those things on the end of hir arms can grab things, they have discovered that they can use them to put things in their mouth. Things that have ended up in said mouth include blankets, burp cloths, my fingers, their fingers, toys, and everybody's clothes.


• Hands can also be used to touch things, so they have spent a lot of time investigating my arm and elbow during diaper changes. The first time this happened, it was so weird - here I am, changing a diaper, when all of a sudden I feel this little hand gently stroking my arm. I look over. and The Velociraptor is ENRAPTURED. And stroking my arm, over and over. They have also spent some quality time investigating our hands and faces.


• Speaking of diaper changes, we still have at least a dozen of those a day, and oh, does The Velociraptor LOVE peeing during them. LOVES IT. THINKS IT IS HILARIOUS. HAS LAUGHED WHILE DOING IT. Has also managed to not only get pee all over themselves, including caught in their belly button (it's like a little pee reservoir, and always gets filled), they also once managed to get pee IN THEIR EAR. And thought it was hilarious, naturally.


• Also apparently this one romper that I REALLY LIKE okay? The Kid has apparently decided they hate it, because the last two times zie's worn it, zie has pooped on it.


• Between that, the peeing all over, and the spitting up pretty regularly still, I am still doing a lot of laundry.


• Zie fucking LOVES watching me fold laundry. And touching laundry. And knocking piles of folded laundry over.


• Zie also LOVES "talking" to us. Right now it's vowel-sound babbling, but swear to Maude zie's trying (and nearly succeeding) to say "hi" to us. ("Hi" is a word that happens a LOT in our house.) Like it's REALLY close. The Man was also reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? to hir the other day, and says that when they got to Red Bird, a sound remarkably like "red" emerged from hir mouth.The Kid is definitely watching our mouths and trying to imitate us, and loves having conversations, and will definitely let us know when they want to "talk".


• Zie HATES baths in the bathtub so far. Sponge baths they'll tolerate, but oh, the hate for the bathtub.


• The Kid is also REMARKABLY INTERESTED IN OUR FOOD. Oh my gods, if we eat in front of hir, the glares we get. It's like we are taking the food out of hir mouth. We keep telling hir zie can have some with zie grows teeth, and that they'll get a taste of it via breastmilk, but this is not doing much to placate them.


• Zie still hates "tummy time". We usually do pretty good if it involves laying on me, but on the floor? NOAP. They pick their head up and move it fine if they're upright or on my shoulder, but getting it up off the ground leads to frustration... probably because it's not crawling. Seriously, the legs are moving like whoa during tummy time. I keep telling hir that zie has to pick up their head before they can crawl. It's not gotten through yet.


• Zie has also grown out of 0-3 months sized clothes. I put a 6 mos. sized sleeper on hir this week and it fit PRETTY DAMN WELL. So I culled all the 0-3 mos. stuff. Straight 3 mos. still fits, but probably not for much longer. This child is LONG, y'all.

DO NOT LET ME READ SLEEP SITES

[Contents: mommy/parent-shaming]

SERIOUSLY.

So the other day I tweeted this:

Note to self: no seriously you are banned from reading any baby sleep sites or books. BANNED. #zomgbaby
— Wench (@kingdomofwench) July 17, 2014

[Text: Note to self: no seriously you are banned from reading any baby sleep sites or books. BANNED. #zomgbaby]

BECAUSE I NEED TO NOT READ THEM ANY MORE. ALL THEY LEAD TO IS TEARS AND FRUSTRATION.

We got here because I am a reader. And a researcher. I cannot even tell you how many hours I spent reading baby books and websites while pregnant, and that hasn't really stopped now that The Velociraptor has made an appearance (and been around for TWO AND A HALF MONTHS WHAT). So I was reading baby sleep sites!

And they pretty much all say things like DON'T DO THIS YOU WILL RUIN YOUR CHILD FOREVERRRRRRR (not always in those exact words, but it surprises me how close many of them are) and YOUR BABY SHOULD BE DOING THIS and HERE ARE THE WORST MISTAKES YOU CAN MAKE.

Oh my fucking god! So stressful!

Also, none of them agree with each other. They do not even agree on the basics of how many hours per day babies should sleep at various ages, much less on how many naps babies should take, the best way to get babies to nap, etc. and so on.

But I kept reading them, because y'all, The Kid's naps are a MESS.

Here's the thing. I am not complaining. I'm frustrated, but I'm not complaining, because The Velociraptor has slept through the night since they were about two weeks old. And not that crappy "oh five hours is TOTALLY sleeping through the night" that sleep sites and books try to sell you. Nah dude. At least seven hours. Right now, we're averaging nine hours straight a night.

But daytime sleep, since about a month ago, has been a mess. Developmentally, this makes a lot of sense, because right about that time zie discovered that they could talk to us! And hit things! And move their legs! And there was a baby in the mirror! And they could grab things! And they could maybe roll over! So there were ALL SORTS OF SUPER NEAT THINGS TO SEE AND DO AND TRY at once so FUCK SLEEPING AMIRITE CHECK THIS OUUUUUTTTTTT

So then we'd get to the point where The Kid would be up for five hours at a time (note: ALL sites agree that is WAY too long awake for a baby The Kid's age), and then suddenly crash and be screaming. And then only sleep 26 minutes (I am not kidding, you can set a fucking watch by this child). And wake up cranky, RINSE AND REPEAT.

But even in the midst of that, The Kid would sleep through the night. GETTING them to sleep was a challenge, but once they were out, they were out.

So I would read sites about how to get your baby to nap regularly and not be up for five hours. And then when things wouldn't work and we'd have one of Those Days again I would be in TEARS because WHAT AM I DOING WRONG WHYYYYYYYY and feel horrible about nursing The Kid to sleep or sometimes just giving up when they were tired and not going to sleep and just letting them quietly play in their crib and did I mention TEARS.

This is no good.

Because here's the thing. I even asked The Kid's pediatrician about it. She said "Do the best you can. It's great zie's sleeping through the night, and I often find that great night sleepers are crappy day sleepers and vice versa. It'll probably settle down after three months, so in the mean time, do what you can."

And that's just it. The Kid sleeps through the night. They are ahead of the curve developmentally. Even when super fucking tired, they are not super fussy and impossible to calm down. Does it suck when they are up three, four, five hours and I'm like GO TO SLEEP JUST GO TO SLEEP? YES. YES IT DOES. Because it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall and I can't stop. But, zie does eventually go to sleep (and increasingly, they seem to want LESS intervention to go to sleep). And while most people would tell you that the unpredictability of the nap schedule right now means going out is hellacious, honestly, it isn't for us. We took a road trip to Chicago last week, then road-tripped to Michigan from Chicago, and zie did AMAZINGLY FINE. So it's not like this is keeping me tied home or anything.

But oh, the SHOULD and MUST and BLAH BLAH BLAH of sites. Oh my gods.

I have decided that pretty universally, people are just making most of that shit up (not the part about babies needing a lot of sleep; that is pretty easy to tell just by observation. The rest of it, though, is highly suspect). So FUCK THEM. They don't know MY kid. (They really don't; none of them I've found even remotely address a 2-month-old who sleeps through the night but is a terrible napper; at this age they're all like HERE IS HOW TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT... thanks player, lucked out on that one already). The Man and I know our kid. And so some days we have horrible no good nap days, and some are rock star days, and in the meantime, we make sure zie is clean and fed and we try to get them to sleep as regularly as possible.

AND THAT IS OKAY. 

Pooooooooop

[Contents: poop and ways of dealing with it; menstruation and related products]

Not my poop, although there is a whole lot we could talk about with being pregnant and what that does to one's digestive system. Baby poop.

So, babies poop. Kind of a lot. And pee. Kind of a lot. So you kind of need some way to deal with that business.

And oh my Maude, y'all, there are some STRONG. FUCKING. OPINIONS. out there about how to do that.

My opinion can be summed up as follows: look it holds bodily waste, so long as it does a good job containing that, whatever you choose is fine.

I do personally really like cloth diapers. Super cute! Supposed to be better for the environment! Soft and can cause fewer rashes! Did I mention cute! We are cloth diapering The Kid while at home (mostly - sometimes we use disposables, and we definitely use disposables while out of the house) and y'all, I really really do like cloth diapering The Kid. This post is mostly about why, what I like, and the concerns people have with cloth diapering.

There's a lot of bullshit that goes along with cloth diapers, including some of the OMG CHEMICALS ARE SO HORRIBLE WHY WOULD YOU LET ANY TOUCH YOUR BABY crowd (newsflash: everything, literally, on this earth is chemicals). Which, seriously, can we please stop trying to promote our positions by shaming the other position or position. (Unless the other position is something like "people don't need food" or p much anything else in the US Republican platform; then shame away.) So while I totally understand not wanting to do it because of that, there are a lot of nice things about cloth diapers, too.

One of the nicest things about cloth diapers is that if you are running out? It's a pretty easy fix - LOAD OF LAUNDRY. Admittedly, you can't just throw your diapers in with whatever other clothes need washing; they need to be a separate load. And it takes longer, because you have to pre-soak and then extra rinse and blah blah blah. And you can't throw all of them in the dryer. But hey! They ARE washable! If you have your own washer and dryer like us, you can be in your pjs! It can be midnight! Doesn't matter, you can have more diapers ready to go without having to get dressed, go to the store, deal with people, and come home.

For those who are now going OMG POOP IN YOUR WASHER, well, baby clothes and sheets and blankets frequently get poop, pee, spit-up, and drool all over them. And what do you do when that happens? You wash them. Same thing. Also, once the kid is eating solids and is pooping actual poop instead of the watery loose stool you get from formula or breastmilk, you shake the poop off in to the toilet and flush it. Our washer does not smell like poop, and we've been cloth diapering for like six weeks now. Our clothes do not smell like poop either (unless they have been freshly pooped on, which, for a while, The Kid liked to poop in that thirty seconds of not having a diaper on for a diaper change, and you would be amazed at how far a three-week old infant can launch poop. It is truly terrifying.).

The diapers also don't smell like poop or pee, they smell like clean cotton. One of the challenges of cloth diapering can be getting them clean. Depending on your water and washing machine, what detergent you use, what materials your diapers are made out of (we are only using cotton and waterproof PUL covers), this can be a challenge and require lots of trial and error. There's also about eight zillion recommendations online, making things even more confusing. I was lucky enough to hit on a good combination the first try, so that's what we do. Some people recommend special detergents; I have found that the all Free & Clear detergent we normally use works just fucking fine, thanks. It does take longer to wash and dry a load of diapers than normal laundry. It takes two wash cycles - a prewash, and then a super-long wash cycle with an extra rinse. They also take a longer dry cycle, because we have mostly flats but some prefolds, as well as some doublers, and since the prefolds and doublers are thicker, they take longer to dry.

But once the diapers are clean and dry, it takes maybe five minutes for me to fold and prep the entire load? Most of the time The Kid is laying on the bed next to me, watching in utter fascination. (Folding laundry is like a fucking AIR SHOW for infants.) Changing the diapers is no more complicated either. The covers are the same shape as disposables, and are applied the same way. They close with either hook-and-loop tabs or snaps. We do use cloth wipes with the cloth diapers, and that's easy too - there's a stack of clean wipes next to a bowl filled with water that has a touch of baby wash added to it. Dip the wipe, squeeze it out, apply to baby bottom. The wipes then get washed with the diapers. They're also super fucking absorbent, so like when The Velociraptor pees in the middle of a diaper change, hey, let's use a dry wipe to soak up the extra that landed on the changing pad, YEAH. And if it takes me a dozen wipes to clean up poop, WHO CARES, they just get washed.

Cloth diapers are bulkier than disposables. Some cloth is bulkier than others (this is why I have my favorite covers and usually use flats, but that's a subject for a whole other post). I have found that generally, I have not had to size up The Kid's clothes to account for this. If it fits them while wearing a disposable, it fits them while wearing cloth. Their butt looks bigger, but that's about it.

Also, we have not had any problems with leaks with the cloth diapers, even when The Kid went to sleep for the night way earlier than we expected and slept in a cloth diaper. We've had one poop leak in disposables, and one in cloth, so it's less the cloth and more OMG SO MUCH POOP. Because leaks happen, no matter what kind of diaper you use. The cloth diapers we are using - flats or prefolds in waterproof covers - work really, really well, y'all.

Finally, once we started cloth diapering The Kid, while the amount of laundry we did went up (and probably our gas bill, because we do use hot water), the amount of trash went WAY THE FUCK DOWN. Pre-baby, we generated one bag of trash per week. We are back to that now, from about 3 bags per week. This, I like, because I don't take out the trash, and trying to stuff yet another dirty diaper in the trash when it's already full is no fun. We also are not scrounging to find any sort of plastic bag to put dirty diapers in. It's way better for us.

Also did I mention cute? I mean, how can you argue with a cow-print diaper? Or dinosaurs? Or little birds? I mean seriously.