[Contents: medical, definitely TMI]
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
If you follow me on the Twittermachine, you probably know why I'm yelling, but I'm going to back this up and start at the beginning.
So 37 weeks is one of the weeks that was definitely highly marked on my calendar, because at 37 weeks, the cerclage comes out. So leading up to Wednesday, I definitely had, some nerves and trepidation.
We also had our last childbirth class this past Sunday, which went well. In the car on the way over I remember thinking "hm, my back hurts, but this is not my usual 'whoops fucked up my lower back again' back hurt, this is different, let's file this shit away". Which is what I did.
The last childbirth class main event is the hospital tour, which was great, except for the part with all of the walking and standing around. I mean, I get why we were standing around - there's no way to predict which rooms are open for viewing, what's going on, etc., so for each part of the ward (ante-natal monitoring, labor and delivery, post-partum), our instructor had to leave us in the hallway and go talk to the floor nurses to see what was up and where we could go. It's just that walking is tough on my third-trimester hips, and standing ain't much better. Plus there were, you know, like 20 of us crammed in to one room at a time, and that got HOT, which made me and a few of the other pregnant folks almost pass out. So that was not fun.
Good things are one, we like the hospital, it seems nice, two, I got to ask the nurses about hospital gowns and those mesh panties like every pregnancy-related blog in the history of ever talks about and whether they had them in my size. Which, they were very nice about being asked. They did try to reassure me about the knickers "oh they're stretchy" but when I explained that yes I knew that, and had had a cerclage at <well-known area hospital> in December and they still did not fit me, they were like "Oh, no problem, then, we can order them, and if we don't have them on the floor when you're here, we can have another floor send some down, no big deal." So that was reassuring.
Then we get to Wednesday, when I am 37 weeks exactly and I have the appointment to take the cerclage out. I'll probably do an entry about that process in detail, but suffice it to say that while it was unpleasant, I didn't find it particularly painful (there are some horror stories you can find on the internet about it, which OBVIOUSLY I read). After it was out they threw me on the monitor for a while to see how The Kid was doing and if I was having any contractions from having my cervix highly messed with. Apparently right after the thing came out I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced, which sounds impressive until you realize that there are pregnant folks who walk around in that state for LITERALLY WEEKS before delivering. Kid was fine, and I wasn't having any contractions to speak of, so I got sent home.
Thursday I'm spotting some - expected after cerclage removale - and having some irregular contractions, but nothing big. Mostly all day I was antsy and cranky, and none of my usual tricks to alleviate those states worked. Usually cranky is "need more foods", and I kept eating foods, but was still cranky. Antsy usually is nesting, so I went and did some more baby laundry and put away baby clothes and it DIDN'T HELP either, so I was antsy and cranky.
Then we get to Friday. Thursday night I was dreaming about being in labor, and woke up a couple of times with contractions, but nothing regular and nothing serious enough I couldn't just roll over and go back to sleep. Friday morning, I get up, pee, and oh, wow, yeah that is definitely a pretty decent sized chunk of gelatinous crap streaked with blood. Bloody show, real thing in the world folks. (Yes, you can google pictures of it if you want to.) And then some bright red spotting, which was unusual and a little like, uh, whoa. So I call the midwives and tell them what's happening - bloody show, bright red spotting, irregular contractions the past few days, cranky, antsy, etc. - and they're like "well you aren't in active labor yet, but given your history you'll probably go sooner rather than later." Okay, cool, at least I have nothing to worry about.
Then I call my mom, because my instincts are telling me "nope, stay home", and I have an appointment later that day (not doctor/midwife). And I tell her what's happening and y'all, my mom is so unbelievably excited and it's like LOOK CALM DOWN MOM. She remains convinced I will go in to active labor today, ps. We'll see about that. But she concurs staying home is probably a better idea, so I stay home.
And then I get an hour of contractions about oh, twelve minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
Then another hour, about ten minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
And again.
Then an hour later I have contractions five minutes apart, for an hour. And I was pretty sure yes, these are contractions, because I'd catch myself taking deep breaths, or rolling my hips, and be like oh, well. And note the time and about how long it lasted, and what it felt like.
They all feel a little different. Sometimes it's like someone is squeezing my abdomen in from both sides. Sometimes they're like period cramps, really low down, right above my pubic bone. Sometimes I could feel my uterus tighten up from top to bottom. Sometimes my back would hurt and it would wrap around to the front. Sometimes it was a low, tight pulling. Which, the internet tells me are all accurate descriptions of contractions. HELPFUL.
WOULD BE MORE HELPFUL IF THEY WOULDN'T STOP.
I literally had contractions, regular contractions, five minutes apart, lasting a minute each, for an hour, AND THEN THEY STOPPED.
STOPPED.
MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR.
After that, I had some more contractions, including some more about 7 minutes apart for half an hour. Then I called my mother to whine, because this is some bullshit, and she laughs and says that all of her pregnancies ended like that, and what happened with her is that after a day and a half of this bullshit, since she was already past 41 weeks, she was told to come in, and with her first two, they artificially broke her water, and with her third, they gave her pitocin, but good news was nothing was ever horrifically painful and once active labor DID get going, it was quick - maybe a few hours.
*sigh*
This matches my research - there's a term for this start-stop business, it's "prodromal labor". There's a bunch of theories about why some people get it and some don't; the predominant theory is that it's helping position the fetus in the best position for the birth canal. Problem is, no one can say how long it will last. Some people report they had it for a day, some report literally three weeks.
Y'all if this last three weeks... look I can't even.
There's also no telling when it will flip over to active labor. There are some exercises and positions recommended to help if it's a positioning problem, so yeah I'm trying those, but there's no guarantee it'll flip the switch, so to speak. And again, once the switch is flipped, active labor tends to be short.
And I still just want to stay home and snuggly and not leave. Like, the nesting feeling is GONE. I'm still cranky, but nope, staying home, need to stay home, wrap me in some blankets and rub my back and feed me popsicles.
I can't tell if my instinct saying "yeah, baby SOON" is actual instinct or just a strong desire for this BULLSHIT MAKE UP YOUR MIND SHIT to end soon. Sigh.
So that's where we're at. Today I have had some irregular contractions and some brief periods of more regular shit. I'm trying to ignore it as best I can. My water hasn't broken, and nothing has been horribly painful (although knowing what I know about my pain tolerance, and the fact that yeah I've lived through six months at a time of excruciating sciatica, so I dismiss the "oh you will know because it's so painful" descriptions mostly), but I am having prodromal labor and lost the mucus plug, and have continued spotting, which implies that my cervix is probably still effacing and dilating.
So... we wait. Could be tonight! Could be three weeks from now! There's no way to know! GREAT.
SO EVERYONE JUST SLOW YOUR ROLL, OKAY? LOOKING AT YOU, MOM.
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