[Contents: medical, tmi, weight, mention of previous miscarriage]
WHY AM I STILL PREGNANT
Okay before I go any further, let me make a few things clear: one, I am so not looking for advice, so please miss me with that. Two, I really, really do not want anyone saying to me "oh but first babies are almost always late", "most pregnancies go past their due date", "only x% of babies arrive on their due date", or any variation thereof.
Partly because I know all of the statistics already, thanks, and partly because THIS WAS IN NO WAY WHAT I WAS LED TO BELIEVE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.
"Oh well ha ha no one can predi-" SHUT. THE. ENTIRE. FUCK. UP.
If you've been reading for a while, you know that I have (had? maybe at this point "had" is more appropriate) a number of risk factors for pre-term birth, including thyroid disease, a history of spontaneous miscarriage, vaginal bleeding during pregnancy, a short cervix (including having an emergency cerclage put in), low pregnancy weight gain, and anti-thyroid antibodies. Basically, every single care provider I have seen at this point is extremely shocked that I made it to 38 weeks, NEVER EVEN MIND THAT I AM PAST 40 WEEKS NOW.
For anyone who would like to spout some "oh but your dates are probably off tee hee" shit, no, they're not. I know the exact date I fucking ovulated, which was confirmed by a very early ultrasound, so fuck off. While I do think that the method most often used to date a pregnancy, Naegele's Rule, does play a role in the fact that more pregnancies go past 40 weeks than not, that was not the method used to date my pregnancy.
Even more fun: for pregnant folks with ultrasound-indicated cerclages (LIKE MINE), on average they deliver about 2 weeks after cerclage removal. (This is a PDF of one of the studies looking at this sort of thing. I have not been able to find a non-PDF source yet, but if I do, I'll add it.) So mean delivery time is just under 14 days after cerclage removal, plus or minus 10 days. Tomorrow will be that "plus 10 days" point for me. I had my cerclage out over three weeks ago.
There is still no sign that I will be delivering this kid any time soon. Oh sure, I've been having contractions off and on since two days after the cerclage removal. Bloody show? Check; that was three weeks ago too. On multiple occasions, I have had contractions 10 minutes apart for an hour, even 5 minutes apart for an hour. I've had contractions that have made me stop what I was doing, or made me lean against the wall, take deep breaths, actually say "fuck, ow". Before anyone tries to lecture me "Oh well Braxton-Hicks can be painful", if they were Braxton-Hicks, I'd kind of expect them to stop when I laid down and drank a couple glasses of water, which is NOT WHAT HAPPENS, so you can also shut the entire fuck up. I was 2 cm dilated THREE POINT FIVE WEEKS AGO, and 50% effaced. The Kid was at -2 engagement (translation: head dropped in to my pelvis, but not quite all the way.) As of Wednesday, THAT HAS NOT CHANGED.
Sunday, we thought maybe something was happening. From Sunday in to Monday, I had contractions about half an hour apart for OVER 24 HOURS. Monday afternoon, they stopped for a bit, then came back 10 minutes apart. We thought for sure that would be it, especially since we live in Boston, Monday was the Boston Marathon, and getting anywhere on Marathon Monday is THE biggest pain in the ass. Then the contractions stopped.
Tuesday I didn't have much, except that all of a sudden, huh, wow, some sort of watery vaginal discharge where there wasn't before! Could this be amniotic fluid? MAYBE. So I watch and wait and yeah, five hours later, still slowly leaking a bit, so I call my doctor's office. I wouldn't have cared, except that I am Group B Strep positive, which, long story short, means if my water breaks, I need to proceed directly to the hospital to get IV antibiotics, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. (Regardless of when my water breaks - which, it's more likely to break in active labor than beforehand, but wev - I need to receive antibiotics every four hours during active labor, and ideally I'd have at least 2 doses before The Kid arrives.) So I call. And I'm like, I'm not sure, but it's enough of a change and I know that if it is amniotic fluid, we need to take steps, and the OB on call agreed, so about 11:45 Tuesday night we headed to the hospital.
No, I did not post anything on Twitter about it, no we did not call our parents, because fuck if I'm getting everyone excited for something just as likely to be a false alarm.
Which it was.
We get to the hospital, they hook me up to the monitors, The Kid kicks the monitors, they test to see if it's amniotic fluid, it's not, thankfully neither the nurse nor the midwife gave me much of that condescending "oh it's your first pregnancy you clearly don't know what's going on" shit or else someone would have died, we got sent home.
Yesterday, I'm in the shower, and holy shit, here I am leaning against the wall because OW. Every seven minutes, OW. I start thinking about calling The Man and saying hey, maybe you should think about leaving work. I ponder this for about ten minutes, during which point the contractions stop. I get up, walk around, fold some laundry, eat some beans and rice, hahahahah NOPE we're done for the day.
I consider shanking some motherfuckers. Which, honestly, my interests right now are first and foremost, HAVING A DAMN KID ALREADY JEEBUS, sleeping, eating (mostly beans and rice, because oh my fucking god beans and rice is so delicious), and SHANKING MOTHERFUCKERS.
Meanwhile my pelvis is still a floppy, relaxin-fucked mess, I have weird stretch marks all over my belly, my belly dropped OH RIGHT LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO ALREADY, I have not been able to find new bras (which I made the mistake of tweeting about... I'm totally shocked the random person on Twitter who insisted no no, they totally make stretchy multiple-cup sized bras in your size hasn't gotten back to me yet... BECAUSE NO ONE MAKES THOSE IN MY SIZE IT'S LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT OR SOMETHING), thank fuck I still have pants and shirts that fit, I'm getting sick of packing my meds and glasses and chargers and shit every time I leave the house, and if one more person asks me "still pregnant?" or any variation thereof, I will be announcing The Kid's arrival AT LEAST A MONTH AFTERWARDS YOU CAN ALL JUST GO SCREW.
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Friday, April 25, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 37
[Contents: medical, definitely TMI]
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
If you follow me on the Twittermachine, you probably know why I'm yelling, but I'm going to back this up and start at the beginning.
So 37 weeks is one of the weeks that was definitely highly marked on my calendar, because at 37 weeks, the cerclage comes out. So leading up to Wednesday, I definitely had, some nerves and trepidation.
We also had our last childbirth class this past Sunday, which went well. In the car on the way over I remember thinking "hm, my back hurts, but this is not my usual 'whoops fucked up my lower back again' back hurt, this is different, let's file this shit away". Which is what I did.
The last childbirth class main event is the hospital tour, which was great, except for the part with all of the walking and standing around. I mean, I get why we were standing around - there's no way to predict which rooms are open for viewing, what's going on, etc., so for each part of the ward (ante-natal monitoring, labor and delivery, post-partum), our instructor had to leave us in the hallway and go talk to the floor nurses to see what was up and where we could go. It's just that walking is tough on my third-trimester hips, and standing ain't much better. Plus there were, you know, like 20 of us crammed in to one room at a time, and that got HOT, which made me and a few of the other pregnant folks almost pass out. So that was not fun.
Good things are one, we like the hospital, it seems nice, two, I got to ask the nurses about hospital gowns and those mesh panties like every pregnancy-related blog in the history of ever talks about and whether they had them in my size. Which, they were very nice about being asked. They did try to reassure me about the knickers "oh they're stretchy" but when I explained that yes I knew that, and had had a cerclage at <well-known area hospital> in December and they still did not fit me, they were like "Oh, no problem, then, we can order them, and if we don't have them on the floor when you're here, we can have another floor send some down, no big deal." So that was reassuring.
Then we get to Wednesday, when I am 37 weeks exactly and I have the appointment to take the cerclage out. I'll probably do an entry about that process in detail, but suffice it to say that while it was unpleasant, I didn't find it particularly painful (there are some horror stories you can find on the internet about it, which OBVIOUSLY I read). After it was out they threw me on the monitor for a while to see how The Kid was doing and if I was having any contractions from having my cervix highly messed with. Apparently right after the thing came out I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced, which sounds impressive until you realize that there are pregnant folks who walk around in that state for LITERALLY WEEKS before delivering. Kid was fine, and I wasn't having any contractions to speak of, so I got sent home.
Thursday I'm spotting some - expected after cerclage removale - and having some irregular contractions, but nothing big. Mostly all day I was antsy and cranky, and none of my usual tricks to alleviate those states worked. Usually cranky is "need more foods", and I kept eating foods, but was still cranky. Antsy usually is nesting, so I went and did some more baby laundry and put away baby clothes and it DIDN'T HELP either, so I was antsy and cranky.
Then we get to Friday. Thursday night I was dreaming about being in labor, and woke up a couple of times with contractions, but nothing regular and nothing serious enough I couldn't just roll over and go back to sleep. Friday morning, I get up, pee, and oh, wow, yeah that is definitely a pretty decent sized chunk of gelatinous crap streaked with blood. Bloody show, real thing in the world folks. (Yes, you can google pictures of it if you want to.) And then some bright red spotting, which was unusual and a little like, uh, whoa. So I call the midwives and tell them what's happening - bloody show, bright red spotting, irregular contractions the past few days, cranky, antsy, etc. - and they're like "well you aren't in active labor yet, but given your history you'll probably go sooner rather than later." Okay, cool, at least I have nothing to worry about.
Then I call my mom, because my instincts are telling me "nope, stay home", and I have an appointment later that day (not doctor/midwife). And I tell her what's happening and y'all, my mom is so unbelievably excited and it's like LOOK CALM DOWN MOM. She remains convinced I will go in to active labor today, ps. We'll see about that. But she concurs staying home is probably a better idea, so I stay home.
And then I get an hour of contractions about oh, twelve minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
Then another hour, about ten minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
And again.
Then an hour later I have contractions five minutes apart, for an hour. And I was pretty sure yes, these are contractions, because I'd catch myself taking deep breaths, or rolling my hips, and be like oh, well. And note the time and about how long it lasted, and what it felt like.
They all feel a little different. Sometimes it's like someone is squeezing my abdomen in from both sides. Sometimes they're like period cramps, really low down, right above my pubic bone. Sometimes I could feel my uterus tighten up from top to bottom. Sometimes my back would hurt and it would wrap around to the front. Sometimes it was a low, tight pulling. Which, the internet tells me are all accurate descriptions of contractions. HELPFUL.
WOULD BE MORE HELPFUL IF THEY WOULDN'T STOP.
I literally had contractions, regular contractions, five minutes apart, lasting a minute each, for an hour, AND THEN THEY STOPPED.
STOPPED.
MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR.
After that, I had some more contractions, including some more about 7 minutes apart for half an hour. Then I called my mother to whine, because this is some bullshit, and she laughs and says that all of her pregnancies ended like that, and what happened with her is that after a day and a half of this bullshit, since she was already past 41 weeks, she was told to come in, and with her first two, they artificially broke her water, and with her third, they gave her pitocin, but good news was nothing was ever horrifically painful and once active labor DID get going, it was quick - maybe a few hours.
*sigh*
This matches my research - there's a term for this start-stop business, it's "prodromal labor". There's a bunch of theories about why some people get it and some don't; the predominant theory is that it's helping position the fetus in the best position for the birth canal. Problem is, no one can say how long it will last. Some people report they had it for a day, some report literally three weeks.
Y'all if this last three weeks... look I can't even.
There's also no telling when it will flip over to active labor. There are some exercises and positions recommended to help if it's a positioning problem, so yeah I'm trying those, but there's no guarantee it'll flip the switch, so to speak. And again, once the switch is flipped, active labor tends to be short.
And I still just want to stay home and snuggly and not leave. Like, the nesting feeling is GONE. I'm still cranky, but nope, staying home, need to stay home, wrap me in some blankets and rub my back and feed me popsicles.
I can't tell if my instinct saying "yeah, baby SOON" is actual instinct or just a strong desire for this BULLSHIT MAKE UP YOUR MIND SHIT to end soon. Sigh.
So that's where we're at. Today I have had some irregular contractions and some brief periods of more regular shit. I'm trying to ignore it as best I can. My water hasn't broken, and nothing has been horribly painful (although knowing what I know about my pain tolerance, and the fact that yeah I've lived through six months at a time of excruciating sciatica, so I dismiss the "oh you will know because it's so painful" descriptions mostly), but I am having prodromal labor and lost the mucus plug, and have continued spotting, which implies that my cervix is probably still effacing and dilating.
So... we wait. Could be tonight! Could be three weeks from now! There's no way to know! GREAT.
SO EVERYONE JUST SLOW YOUR ROLL, OKAY? LOOKING AT YOU, MOM.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
If you follow me on the Twittermachine, you probably know why I'm yelling, but I'm going to back this up and start at the beginning.
So 37 weeks is one of the weeks that was definitely highly marked on my calendar, because at 37 weeks, the cerclage comes out. So leading up to Wednesday, I definitely had, some nerves and trepidation.
We also had our last childbirth class this past Sunday, which went well. In the car on the way over I remember thinking "hm, my back hurts, but this is not my usual 'whoops fucked up my lower back again' back hurt, this is different, let's file this shit away". Which is what I did.
The last childbirth class main event is the hospital tour, which was great, except for the part with all of the walking and standing around. I mean, I get why we were standing around - there's no way to predict which rooms are open for viewing, what's going on, etc., so for each part of the ward (ante-natal monitoring, labor and delivery, post-partum), our instructor had to leave us in the hallway and go talk to the floor nurses to see what was up and where we could go. It's just that walking is tough on my third-trimester hips, and standing ain't much better. Plus there were, you know, like 20 of us crammed in to one room at a time, and that got HOT, which made me and a few of the other pregnant folks almost pass out. So that was not fun.
Good things are one, we like the hospital, it seems nice, two, I got to ask the nurses about hospital gowns and those mesh panties like every pregnancy-related blog in the history of ever talks about and whether they had them in my size. Which, they were very nice about being asked. They did try to reassure me about the knickers "oh they're stretchy" but when I explained that yes I knew that, and had had a cerclage at <well-known area hospital> in December and they still did not fit me, they were like "Oh, no problem, then, we can order them, and if we don't have them on the floor when you're here, we can have another floor send some down, no big deal." So that was reassuring.
Then we get to Wednesday, when I am 37 weeks exactly and I have the appointment to take the cerclage out. I'll probably do an entry about that process in detail, but suffice it to say that while it was unpleasant, I didn't find it particularly painful (there are some horror stories you can find on the internet about it, which OBVIOUSLY I read). After it was out they threw me on the monitor for a while to see how The Kid was doing and if I was having any contractions from having my cervix highly messed with. Apparently right after the thing came out I was about 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced, which sounds impressive until you realize that there are pregnant folks who walk around in that state for LITERALLY WEEKS before delivering. Kid was fine, and I wasn't having any contractions to speak of, so I got sent home.
Thursday I'm spotting some - expected after cerclage removale - and having some irregular contractions, but nothing big. Mostly all day I was antsy and cranky, and none of my usual tricks to alleviate those states worked. Usually cranky is "need more foods", and I kept eating foods, but was still cranky. Antsy usually is nesting, so I went and did some more baby laundry and put away baby clothes and it DIDN'T HELP either, so I was antsy and cranky.
Then we get to Friday. Thursday night I was dreaming about being in labor, and woke up a couple of times with contractions, but nothing regular and nothing serious enough I couldn't just roll over and go back to sleep. Friday morning, I get up, pee, and oh, wow, yeah that is definitely a pretty decent sized chunk of gelatinous crap streaked with blood. Bloody show, real thing in the world folks. (Yes, you can google pictures of it if you want to.) And then some bright red spotting, which was unusual and a little like, uh, whoa. So I call the midwives and tell them what's happening - bloody show, bright red spotting, irregular contractions the past few days, cranky, antsy, etc. - and they're like "well you aren't in active labor yet, but given your history you'll probably go sooner rather than later." Okay, cool, at least I have nothing to worry about.
Then I call my mom, because my instincts are telling me "nope, stay home", and I have an appointment later that day (not doctor/midwife). And I tell her what's happening and y'all, my mom is so unbelievably excited and it's like LOOK CALM DOWN MOM. She remains convinced I will go in to active labor today, ps. We'll see about that. But she concurs staying home is probably a better idea, so I stay home.
And then I get an hour of contractions about oh, twelve minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
Then another hour, about ten minutes apart. Then they stop for half an hour.
And again.
Then an hour later I have contractions five minutes apart, for an hour. And I was pretty sure yes, these are contractions, because I'd catch myself taking deep breaths, or rolling my hips, and be like oh, well. And note the time and about how long it lasted, and what it felt like.
They all feel a little different. Sometimes it's like someone is squeezing my abdomen in from both sides. Sometimes they're like period cramps, really low down, right above my pubic bone. Sometimes I could feel my uterus tighten up from top to bottom. Sometimes my back would hurt and it would wrap around to the front. Sometimes it was a low, tight pulling. Which, the internet tells me are all accurate descriptions of contractions. HELPFUL.
WOULD BE MORE HELPFUL IF THEY WOULDN'T STOP.
I literally had contractions, regular contractions, five minutes apart, lasting a minute each, for an hour, AND THEN THEY STOPPED.
STOPPED.
MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR.
After that, I had some more contractions, including some more about 7 minutes apart for half an hour. Then I called my mother to whine, because this is some bullshit, and she laughs and says that all of her pregnancies ended like that, and what happened with her is that after a day and a half of this bullshit, since she was already past 41 weeks, she was told to come in, and with her first two, they artificially broke her water, and with her third, they gave her pitocin, but good news was nothing was ever horrifically painful and once active labor DID get going, it was quick - maybe a few hours.
*sigh*
This matches my research - there's a term for this start-stop business, it's "prodromal labor". There's a bunch of theories about why some people get it and some don't; the predominant theory is that it's helping position the fetus in the best position for the birth canal. Problem is, no one can say how long it will last. Some people report they had it for a day, some report literally three weeks.
Y'all if this last three weeks... look I can't even.
There's also no telling when it will flip over to active labor. There are some exercises and positions recommended to help if it's a positioning problem, so yeah I'm trying those, but there's no guarantee it'll flip the switch, so to speak. And again, once the switch is flipped, active labor tends to be short.
And I still just want to stay home and snuggly and not leave. Like, the nesting feeling is GONE. I'm still cranky, but nope, staying home, need to stay home, wrap me in some blankets and rub my back and feed me popsicles.
I can't tell if my instinct saying "yeah, baby SOON" is actual instinct or just a strong desire for this BULLSHIT MAKE UP YOUR MIND SHIT to end soon. Sigh.
So that's where we're at. Today I have had some irregular contractions and some brief periods of more regular shit. I'm trying to ignore it as best I can. My water hasn't broken, and nothing has been horribly painful (although knowing what I know about my pain tolerance, and the fact that yeah I've lived through six months at a time of excruciating sciatica, so I dismiss the "oh you will know because it's so painful" descriptions mostly), but I am having prodromal labor and lost the mucus plug, and have continued spotting, which implies that my cervix is probably still effacing and dilating.
So... we wait. Could be tonight! Could be three weeks from now! There's no way to know! GREAT.
SO EVERYONE JUST SLOW YOUR ROLL, OKAY? LOOKING AT YOU, MOM.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Shit Happening to My Pregnant Ass: Week 36
[Contents: TMI, medical]
JEEZY MUFFIN CREEZY I AM THIRTY-MOTHERFUCKING-SIX WEEKS PREGNANT WHAAAAAAAAAAAT.
I looked at The Man yesterday and said "You know, there is a small but non-zero chance that we will have a baby in a week."
This is because next Wednesday, at 37 weeks, the cerclage gets taken out. And once that's out... I could immediately start dilating and we could proceed directly to the hospital. Or I could just chill out for three or more weeks and deliver after my due date. There's no real way to know for sure.
But... a small, yet non-zero chance that this time next week I will have a baby.
SO THAT'S A FUN REALIZATION.
This week I stopped the progesterone supplements I was on, so that also makes it a small but non-zero chance I will have a baby soon.
So, things I am anxious about still include things like OH SHIT I HAVE TO WASH BABY CLOTHES AFTER THE SHOWER THIS WEEKEND and BUT WHAT WILL THE BABY WEAR HOME (which, I talked to my mother about today, and she found it hilarious - which I do too - and she also said "yeah I took one outfit to the hospital and set aside a couple things at home so that if I had to send your father to get something, it was clear what to grab."), and now OH SHIT I WILL HAVE A BABY MY LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE DRASTICALLY AND VERY SOON.
Still highly sanguine about the entire PROCESS of birthing a baby, and the whole "taking care of a baby" thing. But the "wait a minute they're going to let US? BE PARENTS. WHAAAAAAT." has kicked in.
Meanwhile speaking of The Kid, had one of my NOW WEEKLY appointments with the midwives. Still measuring ahead in terms of fundal height, surprising NOBODY. Heartbeat sounded good too. All indications are the The Kid is doing well.
Honestly, I'm doing pretty well too. This is probably the best I have felt during this pregnancy. I mean, I get tired - I'm tired today - but it's after I do stuff, and then I sleep and I feel better and have energy again. My mood seems to be pretty stable, and my hips and pelvis still hurt, but not as bad. And I tend to have more energy per day than I have through most of the pregnancy. So I'm not complaining; it's coming in handy in terms of nesting and shit, but yeah. This is probably the best I have felt during this pregnancy.
I am however looking forward to hopefully not having weird-ass food aversions soon, and hopefully being able to wear all of my usual, heeled shoes again soon. PLEASE PLEASE.
JEEZY MUFFIN CREEZY I AM THIRTY-MOTHERFUCKING-SIX WEEKS PREGNANT WHAAAAAAAAAAAT.
I looked at The Man yesterday and said "You know, there is a small but non-zero chance that we will have a baby in a week."
This is because next Wednesday, at 37 weeks, the cerclage gets taken out. And once that's out... I could immediately start dilating and we could proceed directly to the hospital. Or I could just chill out for three or more weeks and deliver after my due date. There's no real way to know for sure.
But... a small, yet non-zero chance that this time next week I will have a baby.
SO THAT'S A FUN REALIZATION.
This week I stopped the progesterone supplements I was on, so that also makes it a small but non-zero chance I will have a baby soon.
So, things I am anxious about still include things like OH SHIT I HAVE TO WASH BABY CLOTHES AFTER THE SHOWER THIS WEEKEND and BUT WHAT WILL THE BABY WEAR HOME (which, I talked to my mother about today, and she found it hilarious - which I do too - and she also said "yeah I took one outfit to the hospital and set aside a couple things at home so that if I had to send your father to get something, it was clear what to grab."), and now OH SHIT I WILL HAVE A BABY MY LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE DRASTICALLY AND VERY SOON.
Still highly sanguine about the entire PROCESS of birthing a baby, and the whole "taking care of a baby" thing. But the "wait a minute they're going to let US? BE PARENTS. WHAAAAAAT." has kicked in.
Meanwhile speaking of The Kid, had one of my NOW WEEKLY appointments with the midwives. Still measuring ahead in terms of fundal height, surprising NOBODY. Heartbeat sounded good too. All indications are the The Kid is doing well.
Honestly, I'm doing pretty well too. This is probably the best I have felt during this pregnancy. I mean, I get tired - I'm tired today - but it's after I do stuff, and then I sleep and I feel better and have energy again. My mood seems to be pretty stable, and my hips and pelvis still hurt, but not as bad. And I tend to have more energy per day than I have through most of the pregnancy. So I'm not complaining; it's coming in handy in terms of nesting and shit, but yeah. This is probably the best I have felt during this pregnancy.
I am however looking forward to hopefully not having weird-ass food aversions soon, and hopefully being able to wear all of my usual, heeled shoes again soon. PLEASE PLEASE.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 35
[contents: medical, TMI, menstruation, fat hate]
Lately I have found great enjoyment from putting my hands on my belly, looking at The Man, and intoning "SOON" as creepily as possible.
Because SOON.
Nesting has returned in full force. Last Friday I was all kinds of anxious and cranky, and I decided to wash a load of baby clothes, and it made me feel SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE. I haven't folded them yet - that is kind of waiting for me to make the drawer organizers for the dresser - but they're CLEAN.
I also started packing my hospital bag, which also made me feel better about my life. And started packing the diaper bag with things to bring to the hospital for The Kid. Thoughts I have had include "oh, hey, this neato microfiber car seat cover, that's a good thing to stick in the bag", and "oh hey, all of these new gigantic cloth pads you just bought, those should go in your hospital bag", and "OMG YOU NEED TO REPLACE ALL OF YOUR UNDERWEAR AND BUY SPECIAL HOSPITAL UNDERWEAR". That last one I talked myself out of.
Okay yeah, theoretically the hospital provides underwear for you for postpartum. I have read so many blogs extolling the virtues of the "mesh granny panties" from the hospital. Yeah, so, I had some right after my surgery in December, and, no. No, the standard size is not sized for fat folk like me. So while maybe the hospital I'll be delivering at has bigger ones (and I plan on asking during the hospital tour), I'm assuming hahahaha nope they won't and bringing some of my own underwear with me. All of the blogs assure me this is a TERRIBLE idea, because there will be BLOOD and LEAKING and BODILY FLUIDS all over, but uh, you know, mesh panties that don't fit me aren't going to stop it either, so maybe let's wear knickers that actually fit and use pads that are actually comfortable and fit instead of the giant monstrosities that are hospital pads (seriously. They're like a giant pillow in your crotch, except made of scratchy paper and somehow STILL not in the right place, even though they are LITERALLY AS LONG AS MY FOREARM). You know.
So I've put in some cheapie knit underwear I have but never wear, and some underwear I bought on sale at Christmas but managed to get the wrong size and then I exchanged them but managed to get the wrong cut but you know if they get ruined I won't cry, and we're going to go from there.
I've also got a pair of slippers I picked up for a mere $7 post-Christmas, since the hospital is VERY ADAMANT that I be wearing socks and/or slippers at all times "for safety and hygiene purposes". And a giant fuzzy blue robe that I got for like $20, so that when my in-laws inevitably visit us all in the hospital I can look something approaching put together. And since they weren't super expensive, if all the blogs are right and everything is going to be leaked on and ruined, it's not the end of my world.
I'm also trying not to obsess over the "coming home" outfit for The Kid. I have no idea how big they will be, and no idea if I should just bring something easy like one of those snap-up footie pajama outfits, or something more elaborate, and if I do bring something omg WHAT SIZE, and should I bring a couple sizes, and what if I'm WRONG and oh my GODS. And logically I know that it doesn't have to be the MOST PRECIOUS OUTFIT IN THE WORLD (we can save that for pictures for the baby announcements), it just has to be cute, and I can put like two different sizes in there and if, for some reason, neither of them works, OUR HOUSE IS NOT THAT FAR AWAY I CAN SEND THE MAN HOME WITH INSTRUCTIONS.
BUT WHAT SHOULD I PICK AAAAAAHHHHHHH.
The Man and I have also been attending baby-havin' classes. The hospital calls the course "Prepared Childbirth", but whatever, baby-havin' classes. Thankfully these are better than the infant care class we took a few weeks ago that was omfg awful (and yes, I did just mail a letter to the department enumerating the many problems with that shit... and hinting that I'd like my goddamn $55 back THANK YOU VERY MUCH). Our instructor is a little spacey sometimes, and mispronounces "centimeters", but generally pretty good. (Her pronunciation is like a mash-up of "sonogram" and "centimeters", so it sounds like "sonometers", which... yeah I don't know.) I do find it difficult sometimes to not pipe up when she's answering a question with what I've found out in the research, but mostly I bite my tongue. I don't want to be that asshole, you know? BUT I KNOW THINGS OKAY YES I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS OKAY LOOK SERIOUSLY NO THAT CONDITION IS NOT LINKED TO THE WEIGHT OF THE BABY.
Ahem.
It is kind of nice to be around other pregnant people and talk about that shit though. And there's someone in class due on the exact same day as me, so that's fun. There's also one other kind-of fat pregnant person in the class - although I have no idea how they'd describe themselves - which is pretty awesome too. They were also the one to speak up last week when everyone was describing unmedicated vaginal birth as "natural" and call out how bullshit and stigmatizing that was, so HI FRIEND LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Shit I am Not Worried About includes labor and delivery, and how to take care of The Kid afterwards. Which damn BLANKET to bring to the hospital? MOMENTOUS ANXIETY. Labor? Wev. Delivery? Meh. Basic baby care? Yeah it's cool. Even knowing that I might have a 10-pound baby? Yeah it's fine, I know people who've birthed big babies vaginally and unmedicated, I am not concerned. This is... not the common attitude in our baby-havin' class.
Meanwhile my MIL is holding a baby shower for us in like a week and a half and she's REALLY EXCITED OKAY. She also asked "OH SO SHOULD WE HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD SKYPE IN" and I made an executive decision NO on that one. I get that she's trying to be nice and make this wonderful, since this will be the only in-person baby shower I'm having. And that really is lovely of her. But um, it's going to be the only in-person shower because HI I HATE BABY SHOWERS, AND NO I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANY BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FOR ME. I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE CONSENTED TO THIS ONE IF I DIDN'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WERE SUPER-SAD THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER. I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE SOME INTERESTING EMOTIONAL HANG-UPS, THANKS. Also having my folks dialed in is not going to make anything better or less awkward for me. So like I said, executive decision, NOPE.
I am not looking forward to the baby shower.
Physically, turns out that I was right about how tired I was a week ago - that was probably my thyroid deciding to be an asshole for a week. THANKS AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE. My hips are also doing marginally better this week, although it is still the world's biggest production to move around in bed. I also added a waterproof, absorbs-up-to-five-cups-of-fluid pad to my side of the bed under the sheets. Just in case. Except that it totally has a plastic back, so that shit does not breathe, and it moves around with and under the sheets, which is also less fun. So when I wake up, inevitably in four hours or less, my hip and leg I'm laying on are not only sore, but slightly sticky from laying on something with a plastic back. So far, I am convinced this is a better plan than my water breaking in bed and ruining our memory foam topper and mattress. We'll see how long that lasts.
My belly is still getting bigger. OMG SO MUCH BELLY. My bellybutton has not popped, as I was told that NO REALLY EVERYONE'S DOES, but it has gotten... flatter. Like, it's normally pretty deep, and in kind of a crease in my belly, and as that crease has flattened out so has my belly button. It's weird and feels weird when I touch it.
The Kid also seems to be doing fine. There are few kicks, and more... burbling. Like, there's movement, and my belly moves, and ugh super weird, but it's... not as violent. JUST EXTREMELY CREEPY. Like as I was typing this paragraph I looked down and was watching The Kid move my belly. SO WEIRD. SO. INCREDIBLY. WEIRD. Also there is still a foot wedged up under my ribs and OW.
Today's midwife appointment also went well, I gained 2 more pounds so I am a whopping FOUR POUNDS over my starting weight now YEAHHHHHH. I am happier about this than any of my care providers. So if that's going to be the case, I might find a new practice for next time. But no swelling, blood pressure looks great, blah blah blah oh shit you mean the fat lady is still having a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy at this point THE HELL YOU SAY.
No but seriously BELLY EVERWHERE.
Lately I have found great enjoyment from putting my hands on my belly, looking at The Man, and intoning "SOON" as creepily as possible.
Because SOON.
Nesting has returned in full force. Last Friday I was all kinds of anxious and cranky, and I decided to wash a load of baby clothes, and it made me feel SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE. I haven't folded them yet - that is kind of waiting for me to make the drawer organizers for the dresser - but they're CLEAN.
I also started packing my hospital bag, which also made me feel better about my life. And started packing the diaper bag with things to bring to the hospital for The Kid. Thoughts I have had include "oh, hey, this neato microfiber car seat cover, that's a good thing to stick in the bag", and "oh hey, all of these new gigantic cloth pads you just bought, those should go in your hospital bag", and "OMG YOU NEED TO REPLACE ALL OF YOUR UNDERWEAR AND BUY SPECIAL HOSPITAL UNDERWEAR". That last one I talked myself out of.
Okay yeah, theoretically the hospital provides underwear for you for postpartum. I have read so many blogs extolling the virtues of the "mesh granny panties" from the hospital. Yeah, so, I had some right after my surgery in December, and, no. No, the standard size is not sized for fat folk like me. So while maybe the hospital I'll be delivering at has bigger ones (and I plan on asking during the hospital tour), I'm assuming hahahaha nope they won't and bringing some of my own underwear with me. All of the blogs assure me this is a TERRIBLE idea, because there will be BLOOD and LEAKING and BODILY FLUIDS all over, but uh, you know, mesh panties that don't fit me aren't going to stop it either, so maybe let's wear knickers that actually fit and use pads that are actually comfortable and fit instead of the giant monstrosities that are hospital pads (seriously. They're like a giant pillow in your crotch, except made of scratchy paper and somehow STILL not in the right place, even though they are LITERALLY AS LONG AS MY FOREARM). You know.
So I've put in some cheapie knit underwear I have but never wear, and some underwear I bought on sale at Christmas but managed to get the wrong size and then I exchanged them but managed to get the wrong cut but you know if they get ruined I won't cry, and we're going to go from there.
I've also got a pair of slippers I picked up for a mere $7 post-Christmas, since the hospital is VERY ADAMANT that I be wearing socks and/or slippers at all times "for safety and hygiene purposes". And a giant fuzzy blue robe that I got for like $20, so that when my in-laws inevitably visit us all in the hospital I can look something approaching put together. And since they weren't super expensive, if all the blogs are right and everything is going to be leaked on and ruined, it's not the end of my world.
I'm also trying not to obsess over the "coming home" outfit for The Kid. I have no idea how big they will be, and no idea if I should just bring something easy like one of those snap-up footie pajama outfits, or something more elaborate, and if I do bring something omg WHAT SIZE, and should I bring a couple sizes, and what if I'm WRONG and oh my GODS. And logically I know that it doesn't have to be the MOST PRECIOUS OUTFIT IN THE WORLD (we can save that for pictures for the baby announcements), it just has to be cute, and I can put like two different sizes in there and if, for some reason, neither of them works, OUR HOUSE IS NOT THAT FAR AWAY I CAN SEND THE MAN HOME WITH INSTRUCTIONS.
BUT WHAT SHOULD I PICK AAAAAAHHHHHHH.
The Man and I have also been attending baby-havin' classes. The hospital calls the course "Prepared Childbirth", but whatever, baby-havin' classes. Thankfully these are better than the infant care class we took a few weeks ago that was omfg awful (and yes, I did just mail a letter to the department enumerating the many problems with that shit... and hinting that I'd like my goddamn $55 back THANK YOU VERY MUCH). Our instructor is a little spacey sometimes, and mispronounces "centimeters", but generally pretty good. (Her pronunciation is like a mash-up of "sonogram" and "centimeters", so it sounds like "sonometers", which... yeah I don't know.) I do find it difficult sometimes to not pipe up when she's answering a question with what I've found out in the research, but mostly I bite my tongue. I don't want to be that asshole, you know? BUT I KNOW THINGS OKAY YES I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS OKAY LOOK SERIOUSLY NO THAT CONDITION IS NOT LINKED TO THE WEIGHT OF THE BABY.
Ahem.
It is kind of nice to be around other pregnant people and talk about that shit though. And there's someone in class due on the exact same day as me, so that's fun. There's also one other kind-of fat pregnant person in the class - although I have no idea how they'd describe themselves - which is pretty awesome too. They were also the one to speak up last week when everyone was describing unmedicated vaginal birth as "natural" and call out how bullshit and stigmatizing that was, so HI FRIEND LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Shit I am Not Worried About includes labor and delivery, and how to take care of The Kid afterwards. Which damn BLANKET to bring to the hospital? MOMENTOUS ANXIETY. Labor? Wev. Delivery? Meh. Basic baby care? Yeah it's cool. Even knowing that I might have a 10-pound baby? Yeah it's fine, I know people who've birthed big babies vaginally and unmedicated, I am not concerned. This is... not the common attitude in our baby-havin' class.
Meanwhile my MIL is holding a baby shower for us in like a week and a half and she's REALLY EXCITED OKAY. She also asked "OH SO SHOULD WE HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD SKYPE IN" and I made an executive decision NO on that one. I get that she's trying to be nice and make this wonderful, since this will be the only in-person baby shower I'm having. And that really is lovely of her. But um, it's going to be the only in-person shower because HI I HATE BABY SHOWERS, AND NO I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANY BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FOR ME. I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE CONSENTED TO THIS ONE IF I DIDN'T KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU WERE SUPER-SAD THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER. I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE SOME INTERESTING EMOTIONAL HANG-UPS, THANKS. Also having my folks dialed in is not going to make anything better or less awkward for me. So like I said, executive decision, NOPE.
I am not looking forward to the baby shower.
Physically, turns out that I was right about how tired I was a week ago - that was probably my thyroid deciding to be an asshole for a week. THANKS AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE. My hips are also doing marginally better this week, although it is still the world's biggest production to move around in bed. I also added a waterproof, absorbs-up-to-five-cups-of-fluid pad to my side of the bed under the sheets. Just in case. Except that it totally has a plastic back, so that shit does not breathe, and it moves around with and under the sheets, which is also less fun. So when I wake up, inevitably in four hours or less, my hip and leg I'm laying on are not only sore, but slightly sticky from laying on something with a plastic back. So far, I am convinced this is a better plan than my water breaking in bed and ruining our memory foam topper and mattress. We'll see how long that lasts.
My belly is still getting bigger. OMG SO MUCH BELLY. My bellybutton has not popped, as I was told that NO REALLY EVERYONE'S DOES, but it has gotten... flatter. Like, it's normally pretty deep, and in kind of a crease in my belly, and as that crease has flattened out so has my belly button. It's weird and feels weird when I touch it.
The Kid also seems to be doing fine. There are few kicks, and more... burbling. Like, there's movement, and my belly moves, and ugh super weird, but it's... not as violent. JUST EXTREMELY CREEPY. Like as I was typing this paragraph I looked down and was watching The Kid move my belly. SO WEIRD. SO. INCREDIBLY. WEIRD. Also there is still a foot wedged up under my ribs and OW.
Today's midwife appointment also went well, I gained 2 more pounds so I am a whopping FOUR POUNDS over my starting weight now YEAHHHHHH. I am happier about this than any of my care providers. So if that's going to be the case, I might find a new practice for next time. But no swelling, blood pressure looks great, blah blah blah oh shit you mean the fat lady is still having a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy at this point THE HELL YOU SAY.
No but seriously BELLY EVERWHERE.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 33
[Contents: medical, TMI, weight discussion, fat hate]
Wait, 33? Is it really 33 weeks?
This whole time I have had no trouble knowing exactly how many weeks and days along I am, and now I'm just like SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT RARRR LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
But I can tell you that in just under three weeks, I get to stop the progesterone. I picked up my last refill of that the other day. And in just under four weeks I get the cerclage taken out. At my OB appointment this week I definitely had my doctor WAY UP IN MY BITS THANK YOU to check on cervical position and cerclage status. Apparently everything feels good and we should have no trouble just taking the cerclage out in the office at 37 weeks.
After that comes out, who knows what'll happen. When she put it in, my MFM specialist warned me that some people get it taken out and basically proceed directly to hospital for baby-birthin' time without passing go, some people go home and don't start labor until like 41 weeks. Like many things with pregnancy, IT IS A MYSTERY.
I'm getting kind of ready to be done though.
I mean, I don't want the kid showing up until April. PLEASE, DARK LORD, NO. But while I certainly chose to get pregnant, and I do not in any way regret this choice, fucking a this shit is getting old. I'm kind of over the tireds. I'm kind of over the painful hips. I'm kind of over the nausea OH YES IT'S BACK, I'm way over nothing in the way of food or drink sounding or tasting particularly good, I'm so far fucking over the hormonal bullshit, I'm getting over the times that The Kid makes me even MORE nauseated as they burble around in there, I cannot wait to be able to stop taking the prenatal vitamins that make me gag more often than not STILL, I'm JUST ABOUT DONE.
Conveniently, I am just about done, but, you know.
Also about halfway through writing this I had to stop and eat dinner, and it dawned on me "HEY MAYBE THIS IS YOUR THYROID" and it actually probably is. While unrelenting tired, appetite problems, and mood swings are all pregnancy symptoms and are the short summary of this past week, cold spots on my thighs and ass are not - those are definitely my thyroid. So is the brain fog. YAY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE yes I have emailed my doctor and I have lab orders to check shit already.
Meanwhile, I have gained weight (although now that I know my thyroid swung a bit I wonder how much is that HA HA GOOD TIMES) and am FINALLY above my starting weight. Barely. If I am doing the math right, I did gain more than the "recommended" pound per week, and I'm sure if my blood pressure weren't fucking terrific my doctors would be freaking out, but that shit is the lowest it's been at any point during this pregnancy for the past two weeks. Instead I got "oh your weight looks okay" - not "we're happy with your weight" any more, I NOTE.
Plus I have literally no swelling. Seriously, none. I'm trying really hard to not get a bad case of the smugs about it. At my appointment this week my OB complimented me "Oh how smart you got a pretty chain to put [your wedding ring] on", because the necklace I was wearing has a pretty silver circular pendant with a small diamond in it. So I held up my left hand with my wedding ring on it and waggled it and said "Oh no, I'm still wearing it". She was surprised. The damn thing is LOOSE on me. Like it spins gleefully around my finger all damn day when I wear it. Trying and mostly failing to not have the smugs.
Also at my appointment this week, I brought up "hey by the way I have thyroid disease and while I do plan on trying to breastfeed, there's not a lot of good information out there about it, do y'all have anything?" and apparently they have a lactation consultant on staff who may have some stuff. So my OB is giving her a heads up so she can do some additional research and I have an appointment with her later this month.
I'm sure my insurance will try to charge me a co-pay for that visit, even though according to the ACA they're not allowed to any more. They definitely charged me a co-pay for when I got tested for a UTI, so I get to fight with them about that. My insurance company also does not have my plan's summary of benefits and coverage available on their subscriber portal - those are required to be available to me by law. They also charged me a whole fuckton of money for my cerclage, for each of the ultrasounds I got, keep trying to charge me co-pays for pre-natal visits... basically, they are terrible and I am super-sick of having to fight them on everything. I can't even get an answer from them about whether I'm supposed to "pre-certify" for my hospital baby delivery, which I need to know for the hospital paperwork that I really need to send in ASAP. So that's fun.
In more annoying shit The Man and I started taking childbirth classes this week, starting with "Infant Care". If you look at the outline on the website, this class is supposed to be 2.5 hours all about "oh shit now I have the kid home WHAT DO I DO". So covering feeding, bathing, clothes, car seats, sleeping, etc. and so on. I know this shit, because I've literally been through it with a sister who is nearly 13 years younger than me, with all of the babies I've cared for over the years, etc. and so on, so I was like wev about it. But The Man has literally zero childcare experience, so we thought it would be a good idea to learn some of this from a neutral, non-hormonal third party.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH which, that was a good plan, if that were what the class had actually been. I ranted about this on Twitter for a while on Sunday, but basically, our instructor was terrible and kept talking about shit the nurses do in the hospital, there was less than half an hour of hands-on practice (which only covered bathing and changing a diaper), she covered approximately none of the stuff in the packets we were given (which was all of the stuff we were led to believe the class would be about), talked way too fast, went fifteen minutes over, did not give us evaluations to fill out, and the class was in a room that you HAD TO USE STAIRS TO GET IN TO. So I'm writing a very long letter to the department overseeing this about all of THAT. It was a waste of our $55 and a waste of our Sunday afternoon.
This Sunday starts our actual "SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY" classes, that cover birthing techniques, the hospital tour, all that happy crap. Hopefully it's significantly better.
Finally, do y'all even see my belly? I mean holy shit. Also it is definitely starting to move lower. And while it's not clear in the picture, my waist has been getting... flatter. Like, I used to have a really deep crease right through my belly button dividing my belly, and that's flattening out. Also The Kid has pretty consistently been head-down these past few weeks. I have a foot wedged up under my rib cage on my right side. SO PLEASANT, THANK YOU CHILD.
Wait, 33? Is it really 33 weeks?
This whole time I have had no trouble knowing exactly how many weeks and days along I am, and now I'm just like SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT RARRR LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
But I can tell you that in just under three weeks, I get to stop the progesterone. I picked up my last refill of that the other day. And in just under four weeks I get the cerclage taken out. At my OB appointment this week I definitely had my doctor WAY UP IN MY BITS THANK YOU to check on cervical position and cerclage status. Apparently everything feels good and we should have no trouble just taking the cerclage out in the office at 37 weeks.
After that comes out, who knows what'll happen. When she put it in, my MFM specialist warned me that some people get it taken out and basically proceed directly to hospital for baby-birthin' time without passing go, some people go home and don't start labor until like 41 weeks. Like many things with pregnancy, IT IS A MYSTERY.
I'm getting kind of ready to be done though.
I mean, I don't want the kid showing up until April. PLEASE, DARK LORD, NO. But while I certainly chose to get pregnant, and I do not in any way regret this choice, fucking a this shit is getting old. I'm kind of over the tireds. I'm kind of over the painful hips. I'm kind of over the nausea OH YES IT'S BACK, I'm way over nothing in the way of food or drink sounding or tasting particularly good, I'm so far fucking over the hormonal bullshit, I'm getting over the times that The Kid makes me even MORE nauseated as they burble around in there, I cannot wait to be able to stop taking the prenatal vitamins that make me gag more often than not STILL, I'm JUST ABOUT DONE.
Conveniently, I am just about done, but, you know.
Also about halfway through writing this I had to stop and eat dinner, and it dawned on me "HEY MAYBE THIS IS YOUR THYROID" and it actually probably is. While unrelenting tired, appetite problems, and mood swings are all pregnancy symptoms and are the short summary of this past week, cold spots on my thighs and ass are not - those are definitely my thyroid. So is the brain fog. YAY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE yes I have emailed my doctor and I have lab orders to check shit already.
Meanwhile, I have gained weight (although now that I know my thyroid swung a bit I wonder how much is that HA HA GOOD TIMES) and am FINALLY above my starting weight. Barely. If I am doing the math right, I did gain more than the "recommended" pound per week, and I'm sure if my blood pressure weren't fucking terrific my doctors would be freaking out, but that shit is the lowest it's been at any point during this pregnancy for the past two weeks. Instead I got "oh your weight looks okay" - not "we're happy with your weight" any more, I NOTE.
Plus I have literally no swelling. Seriously, none. I'm trying really hard to not get a bad case of the smugs about it. At my appointment this week my OB complimented me "Oh how smart you got a pretty chain to put [your wedding ring] on", because the necklace I was wearing has a pretty silver circular pendant with a small diamond in it. So I held up my left hand with my wedding ring on it and waggled it and said "Oh no, I'm still wearing it". She was surprised. The damn thing is LOOSE on me. Like it spins gleefully around my finger all damn day when I wear it. Trying and mostly failing to not have the smugs.
Also at my appointment this week, I brought up "hey by the way I have thyroid disease and while I do plan on trying to breastfeed, there's not a lot of good information out there about it, do y'all have anything?" and apparently they have a lactation consultant on staff who may have some stuff. So my OB is giving her a heads up so she can do some additional research and I have an appointment with her later this month.
I'm sure my insurance will try to charge me a co-pay for that visit, even though according to the ACA they're not allowed to any more. They definitely charged me a co-pay for when I got tested for a UTI, so I get to fight with them about that. My insurance company also does not have my plan's summary of benefits and coverage available on their subscriber portal - those are required to be available to me by law. They also charged me a whole fuckton of money for my cerclage, for each of the ultrasounds I got, keep trying to charge me co-pays for pre-natal visits... basically, they are terrible and I am super-sick of having to fight them on everything. I can't even get an answer from them about whether I'm supposed to "pre-certify" for my hospital baby delivery, which I need to know for the hospital paperwork that I really need to send in ASAP. So that's fun.
In more annoying shit The Man and I started taking childbirth classes this week, starting with "Infant Care". If you look at the outline on the website, this class is supposed to be 2.5 hours all about "oh shit now I have the kid home WHAT DO I DO". So covering feeding, bathing, clothes, car seats, sleeping, etc. and so on. I know this shit, because I've literally been through it with a sister who is nearly 13 years younger than me, with all of the babies I've cared for over the years, etc. and so on, so I was like wev about it. But The Man has literally zero childcare experience, so we thought it would be a good idea to learn some of this from a neutral, non-hormonal third party.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH which, that was a good plan, if that were what the class had actually been. I ranted about this on Twitter for a while on Sunday, but basically, our instructor was terrible and kept talking about shit the nurses do in the hospital, there was less than half an hour of hands-on practice (which only covered bathing and changing a diaper), she covered approximately none of the stuff in the packets we were given (which was all of the stuff we were led to believe the class would be about), talked way too fast, went fifteen minutes over, did not give us evaluations to fill out, and the class was in a room that you HAD TO USE STAIRS TO GET IN TO. So I'm writing a very long letter to the department overseeing this about all of THAT. It was a waste of our $55 and a waste of our Sunday afternoon.
This Sunday starts our actual "SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY" classes, that cover birthing techniques, the hospital tour, all that happy crap. Hopefully it's significantly better.
Finally, do y'all even see my belly? I mean holy shit. Also it is definitely starting to move lower. And while it's not clear in the picture, my waist has been getting... flatter. Like, I used to have a really deep crease right through my belly button dividing my belly, and that's flattening out. Also The Kid has pretty consistently been head-down these past few weeks. I have a foot wedged up under my rib cage on my right side. SO PLEASANT, THANK YOU CHILD.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 31
[Contents: TMI, pain]
Short version: hormones are seriously kicking my assssssssssssssss.
I've been upset by some stuff happening in my personal life the past week, and while it's all stuff that would upset or piss me off even if I weren't pregnant, because I am seven million goddamn months pregnant, all of the upset is accompanied by SO. MUCH. CRYING.
I'm not usually one to cry much, and I also really hate crying, so I try to avoid it. SO MUCH CRYING this past week, y'all. SO MUCH. OH MY FUCKING GOD CAN IT STOP NOW.
Crying so much also makes me even more tired than I am otherwise, yaaaaay!
The other hormone that's kicking my ass is motherfucking relaxin, STILL. My poor hips, y'all. My poor goddamn hips. I know I posted a few weeks ago that doing some PT exercises really helped and could get me pain-free. They still really help, but I haven't been pain-free lately. This may also have to do with the fact that I think "why yes, let's make like six stops after my pre-natal appointment sounds like a great plan" and then proceed to do it, but I blame the hormones. Fucking hormones. I semi-woke The Man up this week once as I was getting out of bed because my pubic symphysis cracked so fucking loudly. It's super freaky when it does that, but it feels SO good. And it really lessened the pain I was in.
The other thing that helps is laying with mah Snoogle Mini that my BFF gave me, because she is an amazing person. I lay on my side, then part of it goes between my thighs, the rest gets tucked under my belly and boobs, and it's awesome. I don't sleep with it all night, because it eventually bothers me to not have a pillow between my legs for the entire length of my legs, but when I'm just laying in bed reading or whatever I use it and it's great. It's thicker than my usual between-the-legs pillow and something about the thickness, the firmness, or the position shifts my hips around in a different way that helps ease them back in to a less painful position. RECOMMENDED. Also I'm 6' tall and definitely a fat lady, so do not let your height or weight worry you with this sucker.
I'm also at the stage where I waddle when I walk, and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. Sometimes if my hips are really wonky it's more of a lurch. I AM THE EPITOME OF GRACE AND DIGNITY, FOLKS. Rolling over in bed is a five-minute production that makes me grateful I have a 100% metal bed frame that is solid enough I can grab my headboard and use it for leverage.
Speaking of bed, I spend a lot of time there! It's soft and comfy! Sadly I don't sleep more than 2-4 hours at a stretch anymore! I finally find a comfortable position and fall asleep. 2-4 hours later, I am woken up by one or more of the following:
I also just have a very limited amount of things I can do in a day, still. Like, I can usually manage doing a full up/down cycle on the stairs in my house a maximum of twice per day. There's fifteen steps to get from the front door to my house, and fifteen steps to get from the floor with my bedroom to the attic, where my sewing room and the laundry are. Oh and to leave the house there's another five stairs. If I am doing a lot of walking or standing (or sometimes even sitting), stairs are right out. And if I do too much of anything in a day, I can be totally wiped out and in extra pain for a day or three afterwards. STILL. AGAIN. GODS.
So I'm having to get even more strategic about what I do in a day and really planning that shit out - like today, I needed to be upstairs sewing, as I have a commission due the end of the month and someone staying with me next week. So in order to both be able to work AND have dinner, I had to plan something to throw in the crock pot. And plan on getting nothing else done besides the sewing and the dinner making, except maaaaybe being able to throw in a load of laundry while I'm upstairs already. It's a delicate balance between getting things done (which improves my mental health) and not moving too much (which keeps my physical health better), but not avoiding movement TOO much, because too little movement adds to the pain too. I frequently fuck it up. It's never ending fucking fun.
Also in really TMI land, so for most pregnant folks, at some point their boobs start, uh, leaking some proto-breast milk. That is week 30 for me apparently, because in the morning I have juuuuust a little bit of crusty nonsense on my nipples. GRACE, DIGNITY, ETC.
Short version: hormones are seriously kicking my assssssssssssssss.
I've been upset by some stuff happening in my personal life the past week, and while it's all stuff that would upset or piss me off even if I weren't pregnant, because I am seven million goddamn months pregnant, all of the upset is accompanied by SO. MUCH. CRYING.
I'm not usually one to cry much, and I also really hate crying, so I try to avoid it. SO MUCH CRYING this past week, y'all. SO MUCH. OH MY FUCKING GOD CAN IT STOP NOW.
Crying so much also makes me even more tired than I am otherwise, yaaaaay!
The other hormone that's kicking my ass is motherfucking relaxin, STILL. My poor hips, y'all. My poor goddamn hips. I know I posted a few weeks ago that doing some PT exercises really helped and could get me pain-free. They still really help, but I haven't been pain-free lately. This may also have to do with the fact that I think "why yes, let's make like six stops after my pre-natal appointment sounds like a great plan" and then proceed to do it, but I blame the hormones. Fucking hormones. I semi-woke The Man up this week once as I was getting out of bed because my pubic symphysis cracked so fucking loudly. It's super freaky when it does that, but it feels SO good. And it really lessened the pain I was in.
The other thing that helps is laying with mah Snoogle Mini that my BFF gave me, because she is an amazing person. I lay on my side, then part of it goes between my thighs, the rest gets tucked under my belly and boobs, and it's awesome. I don't sleep with it all night, because it eventually bothers me to not have a pillow between my legs for the entire length of my legs, but when I'm just laying in bed reading or whatever I use it and it's great. It's thicker than my usual between-the-legs pillow and something about the thickness, the firmness, or the position shifts my hips around in a different way that helps ease them back in to a less painful position. RECOMMENDED. Also I'm 6' tall and definitely a fat lady, so do not let your height or weight worry you with this sucker.
I'm also at the stage where I waddle when I walk, and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. Sometimes if my hips are really wonky it's more of a lurch. I AM THE EPITOME OF GRACE AND DIGNITY, FOLKS. Rolling over in bed is a five-minute production that makes me grateful I have a 100% metal bed frame that is solid enough I can grab my headboard and use it for leverage.
Speaking of bed, I spend a lot of time there! It's soft and comfy! Sadly I don't sleep more than 2-4 hours at a stretch anymore! I finally find a comfortable position and fall asleep. 2-4 hours later, I am woken up by one or more of the following:
- My fucking hip hurts. (I am an obligate side sleeper, so I am always laying on one hip or the other.)
- I have to goddamn pee, AGAIN.
- FUCKING HELL SHIT DAMN I NEED FOOD.
I also just have a very limited amount of things I can do in a day, still. Like, I can usually manage doing a full up/down cycle on the stairs in my house a maximum of twice per day. There's fifteen steps to get from the front door to my house, and fifteen steps to get from the floor with my bedroom to the attic, where my sewing room and the laundry are. Oh and to leave the house there's another five stairs. If I am doing a lot of walking or standing (or sometimes even sitting), stairs are right out. And if I do too much of anything in a day, I can be totally wiped out and in extra pain for a day or three afterwards. STILL. AGAIN. GODS.
So I'm having to get even more strategic about what I do in a day and really planning that shit out - like today, I needed to be upstairs sewing, as I have a commission due the end of the month and someone staying with me next week. So in order to both be able to work AND have dinner, I had to plan something to throw in the crock pot. And plan on getting nothing else done besides the sewing and the dinner making, except maaaaybe being able to throw in a load of laundry while I'm upstairs already. It's a delicate balance between getting things done (which improves my mental health) and not moving too much (which keeps my physical health better), but not avoiding movement TOO much, because too little movement adds to the pain too. I frequently fuck it up. It's never ending fucking fun.
Also in really TMI land, so for most pregnant folks, at some point their boobs start, uh, leaking some proto-breast milk. That is week 30 for me apparently, because in the morning I have juuuuust a little bit of crusty nonsense on my nipples. GRACE, DIGNITY, ETC.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass: Week 30
[Contents: medical, weight discussion/fat bias, TMI]
Uhhhhh y'all I am so not ready to have a baby.
I mean, with any luck, it's going to be a solid 10 weeks before I do but uhhhh that's like two and a half months? Aaaaand that is not much time.
Also oh my fucking gods I am so fucking tired. SO FUCKING TIRED. I'm at the point where I am waking up every 2-4 hours at night, either because I have to pee, my hip hurts, or both. So while I am sleeping, it's broken sleep. Which I mean hey, good practice for when The Kid arrives but OH MY GOD JUST LET ME SLEEP FOR REAL.
Then some days I feel really pretty good, and energetic and shit! And I want to do all the things! And I have to keep reminding myself NO, DO NOT DO ALL THE THINGS, THAT ONLY LEADS TO SORROW AND PAIN, STOP. So I'm not getting things done as quickly as I'd like, and my hormones are like YOU WILL NEVER GET YOUR HOUSE CLEAN AND EVERYTHING READY IN TIME YOU ARE DOOOOOMED and the rest of my brain is like, uh, the house is pretty clean, yo, like, you're fine. Baby clothes are small that's only going to be like one load of laundry, chill. DOOOOOOOMED.
Not doomed. I mean, hey, I cleaned up my half of the bedroom the other night and it took like an hour, because I kept sitting back down and taking breaks. So now the bassinet can get set up in a couple weeks. And after my prenatal appointment today, I was all adulty and shit and ran errands, including buying a giant thing of motherfuckin' Mod Podge, so all those shoeboxes I'm no longer using can get some of my cute fabric from my giant honking fabric stash applied and BE TRANSFORMED in to drawer organizers mwahahahahah. And I also bought some cute baby clothes because LOOK THEY WERE ON CLEARANCE AND THEY WERE ADORABLE AND SUPER CHEAP AND OMG. One of them might turn out to be the "YAY HERE IS YOUR FIRST REAL CLOTHES" outfit for leaving the hospital. We'll see.
The prenatal appointment went really well. The midwives are sooooo happy with my weight... which, I lost another pound, so uh hey! Great. I'm not trying, I wish I weren't losing weight, and I know full well that if I were gaining the pound a week that all of the pregnancy books and shit say that I should be at this point, they'd probably be counseling me ohhhh, be careful you don't gain too much. Especially since my uterus is still measuring a little over a week ahead of typical for this point. But I also know from previous ultrasounds that The Kid is likely going to be taaallllll. You know, that and plus genetics and shit. So whatever. Kid is still extremely active, we have reached the "alien chestburster" phase, heartbeat was right where it should be still and everything is fine. So I'm not worried, but again, I know, I KNOW, that if I were gaining like many people do, they'd be on me about my weight. Bleah.
My hips are definitely complaining after all of the in and out of the car and walking around I did today. So definitely doing PT exercises tonight. And tomorrow Fuckwinter is supposed to be back in force, so my plan is to sleep as much as I can, go upstairs and do some sewing, come down to eat and pee, then go back upstairs. I'm making a dress for a friend of mine that needs to be done by the end of the month. I also maaaaay have bought some fabric to make a baby quilt or something along those lines MAYBE. (Okay definitely... hey I had a coupon.)
I'm still not getting a ton of Braxton-Hicks; it's still only after I have WAY overdone shit, or if I get pretty dehydrated. But oh my fuck god, I have to drink all the water. ALL THE WATER. GIVE IT TO ME. NO, MORE. YES. WATER. Ugh. Some days, or if I move the wrong way, I also get ligament or muscle pain. I figure that's what it is because while it is sharply painful, it's super-localized, transient, and goes away if I stop doing whatever move started it. I've also occasionally bent down to get something and I swear to Maude SORRY KID FOR CATCHING ONE OF YOUR LIMBS IN THE FOLD. It's freaky-feeling.
Things I was told would happen in the third trimester were "right so food aversions and nausea, welcome those back" and YUP. I've been having raspberry frosted Pop Tarts for breakfast with a glass of milk for like a WEEK. Yesterday, I made them, and took a few bites, and was pretty sure I was totally going to puke. GREAT. THANKS BODY. Pork still doesn't sound great, and neither does cooked broccoli (but only COOKED broccoli; raw sounds fine). Guacamole and queso are the best things in the world and if you disagree we will fight.
I was also told OH HA HA YEAH YOUR ANKLES AND FINGERS WILL SWELL and nope. My rings are still super loose, and even after a long day like today my ankles aren't swelling. I'm not complaining; sudden or extreme swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia, and you do NOT want to fuck around with that shit. But it's perpetually interesting to me to compare what I'm told should happen and when, with what IS happening and when.
I also got all the paperwork for the hospital - shit like consent forms, registration forms, the form for the birth certificate, the form for the birth plan, all that. Oh my maude, that shit is a shitshow. Why is is so difficult for institutions to make functional, easy-to-use-and-understand forms? WHYYY. So I definitely made a pain in the ass of myself at my appointment today with "so by the way this is a hot mess and here's why, also your instruction sheet is no better thanks" hahah WELP. I am definitely that patient. But seriously... if you're going to say that I can refuse to, say, allow you to use any tissue or body parts of mine you remove during birth for research purposes, it behooves you to give me a space to clearly mark whether I consent or not. Like, come the fuck on.
But basically at this point it's EAT ENOUGH FOODS, DAMMIT and DRINK ALL THE WATER and TAKE IT EASY OH MY GOD YOUR HIPS CANNOT HANDLE SHIT... and trying to go full-term. WOOOOOOOOO.
Uhhhhh y'all I am so not ready to have a baby.
I mean, with any luck, it's going to be a solid 10 weeks before I do but uhhhh that's like two and a half months? Aaaaand that is not much time.
Also oh my fucking gods I am so fucking tired. SO FUCKING TIRED. I'm at the point where I am waking up every 2-4 hours at night, either because I have to pee, my hip hurts, or both. So while I am sleeping, it's broken sleep. Which I mean hey, good practice for when The Kid arrives but OH MY GOD JUST LET ME SLEEP FOR REAL.
Then some days I feel really pretty good, and energetic and shit! And I want to do all the things! And I have to keep reminding myself NO, DO NOT DO ALL THE THINGS, THAT ONLY LEADS TO SORROW AND PAIN, STOP. So I'm not getting things done as quickly as I'd like, and my hormones are like YOU WILL NEVER GET YOUR HOUSE CLEAN AND EVERYTHING READY IN TIME YOU ARE DOOOOOMED and the rest of my brain is like, uh, the house is pretty clean, yo, like, you're fine. Baby clothes are small that's only going to be like one load of laundry, chill. DOOOOOOOMED.
Not doomed. I mean, hey, I cleaned up my half of the bedroom the other night and it took like an hour, because I kept sitting back down and taking breaks. So now the bassinet can get set up in a couple weeks. And after my prenatal appointment today, I was all adulty and shit and ran errands, including buying a giant thing of motherfuckin' Mod Podge, so all those shoeboxes I'm no longer using can get some of my cute fabric from my giant honking fabric stash applied and BE TRANSFORMED in to drawer organizers mwahahahahah. And I also bought some cute baby clothes because LOOK THEY WERE ON CLEARANCE AND THEY WERE ADORABLE AND SUPER CHEAP AND OMG. One of them might turn out to be the "YAY HERE IS YOUR FIRST REAL CLOTHES" outfit for leaving the hospital. We'll see.
The prenatal appointment went really well. The midwives are sooooo happy with my weight... which, I lost another pound, so uh hey! Great. I'm not trying, I wish I weren't losing weight, and I know full well that if I were gaining the pound a week that all of the pregnancy books and shit say that I should be at this point, they'd probably be counseling me ohhhh, be careful you don't gain too much. Especially since my uterus is still measuring a little over a week ahead of typical for this point. But I also know from previous ultrasounds that The Kid is likely going to be taaallllll. You know, that and plus genetics and shit. So whatever. Kid is still extremely active, we have reached the "alien chestburster" phase, heartbeat was right where it should be still and everything is fine. So I'm not worried, but again, I know, I KNOW, that if I were gaining like many people do, they'd be on me about my weight. Bleah.
My hips are definitely complaining after all of the in and out of the car and walking around I did today. So definitely doing PT exercises tonight. And tomorrow Fuckwinter is supposed to be back in force, so my plan is to sleep as much as I can, go upstairs and do some sewing, come down to eat and pee, then go back upstairs. I'm making a dress for a friend of mine that needs to be done by the end of the month. I also maaaaay have bought some fabric to make a baby quilt or something along those lines MAYBE. (Okay definitely... hey I had a coupon.)
I'm still not getting a ton of Braxton-Hicks; it's still only after I have WAY overdone shit, or if I get pretty dehydrated. But oh my fuck god, I have to drink all the water. ALL THE WATER. GIVE IT TO ME. NO, MORE. YES. WATER. Ugh. Some days, or if I move the wrong way, I also get ligament or muscle pain. I figure that's what it is because while it is sharply painful, it's super-localized, transient, and goes away if I stop doing whatever move started it. I've also occasionally bent down to get something and I swear to Maude SORRY KID FOR CATCHING ONE OF YOUR LIMBS IN THE FOLD. It's freaky-feeling.
Things I was told would happen in the third trimester were "right so food aversions and nausea, welcome those back" and YUP. I've been having raspberry frosted Pop Tarts for breakfast with a glass of milk for like a WEEK. Yesterday, I made them, and took a few bites, and was pretty sure I was totally going to puke. GREAT. THANKS BODY. Pork still doesn't sound great, and neither does cooked broccoli (but only COOKED broccoli; raw sounds fine). Guacamole and queso are the best things in the world and if you disagree we will fight.
I was also told OH HA HA YEAH YOUR ANKLES AND FINGERS WILL SWELL and nope. My rings are still super loose, and even after a long day like today my ankles aren't swelling. I'm not complaining; sudden or extreme swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia, and you do NOT want to fuck around with that shit. But it's perpetually interesting to me to compare what I'm told should happen and when, with what IS happening and when.
I also got all the paperwork for the hospital - shit like consent forms, registration forms, the form for the birth certificate, the form for the birth plan, all that. Oh my maude, that shit is a shitshow. Why is is so difficult for institutions to make functional, easy-to-use-and-understand forms? WHYYY. So I definitely made a pain in the ass of myself at my appointment today with "so by the way this is a hot mess and here's why, also your instruction sheet is no better thanks" hahah WELP. I am definitely that patient. But seriously... if you're going to say that I can refuse to, say, allow you to use any tissue or body parts of mine you remove during birth for research purposes, it behooves you to give me a space to clearly mark whether I consent or not. Like, come the fuck on.
But basically at this point it's EAT ENOUGH FOODS, DAMMIT and DRINK ALL THE WATER and TAKE IT EASY OH MY GOD YOUR HIPS CANNOT HANDLE SHIT... and trying to go full-term. WOOOOOOOOO.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass This Week: Week 28
[Contents: medical, TMI]
Okay Week 28 plus two days.
OKAY BUT I'M SICK, OKAY?
The Man totally gave me some bullshitfuckerycold. This is the kind of cold where the only way I am sure it's not the goddamn murderingfuckflu is that I don't have a fever. My head has decided there's a worldwide snot shortage, and WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
No. No we are not body; knock that shit off.
Plus a sore throat, occasional sneezing, occasional coughing, plus super-dry fuckwinter weather... means mostly this week I have been whining and sleeping.
This is a problem because I need to pick up BOTH prescription meds I take this week - my thyroid meds, and the progesterone. I was SUCH AN ADULT and called in the refills last Saturday. And then... yeah.
When The Man got home from work tonight, he kindly went with me to Pharmacy 1 for my thyroid meds, because I took my last dose of them this morning WOOO. Today is the first day since Tuesday I've been up to even showering, so I am exhausted, BUT I have thyroid meds. Tomorrow we go to Pharmacy 2 to pick up the progesterone. I am excited about the progesterone because I found a coupon for it for $50 off, and since my co-pay is only $35 for it, I'm thinking FREE, FUCK YES.
By the way, if you are taking a name-brand medication? See if the manufacturer has coupons for it. Both of my prescriptions right now are name-brands, no substitutes available or allowed. Both have coupons. Sadly the thyroid med coupon is only for $10 off, so it still costs me $40 a month, but ten bucks is ten bucks, you know?
Also bought at Pharmacy 1 were some Pampers for 16 cents per diaper because that is CHEAP for those, awwww YEAH. That's my life. I have subscribed to a blog that gives daily updates on baby- and kid-related deals, and has weekly posts on the best deals for diapers and wipes, online and off, cloth and disposable. I signed up for goddamn Amazon Mom, which let's not even talk about the hate I have for that program name, but uh 20% off all of my subscribe and save orders? SOUNDS GREAT. Let's also not talk about the significant issues I have with their entire company... but on the other hand, when there are days you can't walk, there's a lot to be said for having shit like toilet paper just MAGICALLY SHOW UP ON YOUR DOORSTEP with only a one-time investment of spoons.
Meanwhile I have my next pre-natal appointment on Monday, and that starts the "appointments every two weeks" phase of the game. The Kid is going to be making an appearance within the next three months. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
The Kid has also grown to the point where the kicks aren't so much kicks as distinct thumps, and I'm now being kicked up by where my stomach is. Like seriously, an inch or two below my boobs. Kicks. When I'm sitting and my boobs are resting on my belly, sometimes The Kid KICKS MY BOOBS. AND MAKES THEM MOVE.
I definitely went through a phase over the past couple of weeks where I felt as if I could not shove enough dairy in to my face. I seem to be back to RASPBERRY-FLAVORED THINGS ARE THE BEST, MAYBE SOME ORANGES TOO. I really want to make orange-cranberry bread, because it sounds so fucking good to me right now, but since I have bullshitfuckerycold, that's a little too much. My big plans for tomorrow are doing the dishes. Exciting.
Also this week I bought a dresser for The Kid. It was delivered Wednesday morning, thankfully while The Man was still home so I didn't have to get out of bed and deal with it. Less than ten minutes after the doorbell rang, there was a big honking brand-new dresser exactly where I wanted it in my house. Professional delivery, how I love thee. I also cleaned my washing machine last week (yes! apparently you have to clean them once in a while! Let's not talk about how disgusting my fabric softener dispenser was!) so now I feel a-ok about washing some of the baby clothes and blankets I've been given and then OMG putting them AWAY in The Kid's DRESSER.
I have also noticed that WELP more new stretch marks have shown up. I keep seeing all of these pins on Pinterest and articles and shit about how to avoid stretch marks, how to make them less noticeable, blah blah blah, and the tone of all of them is that stretch marks are OMG SO TERRIBLE THE WORST.
Look. I had plenty of goddamn stretch marks all the fuck over my belly, hips, boobs, and butt long before I got pregnant. Now I have more. O NOES. New this week are some more little ones on my lower belly; previously there were only new ones on my upper belly, above my belly button, and on my boobs. I'm actually kind of excited about them because BELLY IS GROWING, THAT MEANS BABY IS GROWING, MWAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Speaking of, HERE IS MAH BELLY. Oh my fucking god, I look so fucking pregnant. (Not visible in photo: the giant dark circles under my eyes, the snot leaking out of my nose, the aching hips, the pants that no longer fit, the "and here I thought while I was pregnant I wouldn't need pads", the limb to the ribs The Kid treated me to. Visible in photo: hey, that shirt is getting a little short on me now, I should probably clean that mirror, the "I'm so fucking tired" look on my face).
Okay Week 28 plus two days.
OKAY BUT I'M SICK, OKAY?
The Man totally gave me some bullshitfuckerycold. This is the kind of cold where the only way I am sure it's not the goddamn murderingfuckflu is that I don't have a fever. My head has decided there's a worldwide snot shortage, and WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
No. No we are not body; knock that shit off.
Plus a sore throat, occasional sneezing, occasional coughing, plus super-dry fuckwinter weather... means mostly this week I have been whining and sleeping.
This is a problem because I need to pick up BOTH prescription meds I take this week - my thyroid meds, and the progesterone. I was SUCH AN ADULT and called in the refills last Saturday. And then... yeah.
When The Man got home from work tonight, he kindly went with me to Pharmacy 1 for my thyroid meds, because I took my last dose of them this morning WOOO. Today is the first day since Tuesday I've been up to even showering, so I am exhausted, BUT I have thyroid meds. Tomorrow we go to Pharmacy 2 to pick up the progesterone. I am excited about the progesterone because I found a coupon for it for $50 off, and since my co-pay is only $35 for it, I'm thinking FREE, FUCK YES.
By the way, if you are taking a name-brand medication? See if the manufacturer has coupons for it. Both of my prescriptions right now are name-brands, no substitutes available or allowed. Both have coupons. Sadly the thyroid med coupon is only for $10 off, so it still costs me $40 a month, but ten bucks is ten bucks, you know?
Also bought at Pharmacy 1 were some Pampers for 16 cents per diaper because that is CHEAP for those, awwww YEAH. That's my life. I have subscribed to a blog that gives daily updates on baby- and kid-related deals, and has weekly posts on the best deals for diapers and wipes, online and off, cloth and disposable. I signed up for goddamn Amazon Mom, which let's not even talk about the hate I have for that program name, but uh 20% off all of my subscribe and save orders? SOUNDS GREAT. Let's also not talk about the significant issues I have with their entire company... but on the other hand, when there are days you can't walk, there's a lot to be said for having shit like toilet paper just MAGICALLY SHOW UP ON YOUR DOORSTEP with only a one-time investment of spoons.
Meanwhile I have my next pre-natal appointment on Monday, and that starts the "appointments every two weeks" phase of the game. The Kid is going to be making an appearance within the next three months. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
The Kid has also grown to the point where the kicks aren't so much kicks as distinct thumps, and I'm now being kicked up by where my stomach is. Like seriously, an inch or two below my boobs. Kicks. When I'm sitting and my boobs are resting on my belly, sometimes The Kid KICKS MY BOOBS. AND MAKES THEM MOVE.
I definitely went through a phase over the past couple of weeks where I felt as if I could not shove enough dairy in to my face. I seem to be back to RASPBERRY-FLAVORED THINGS ARE THE BEST, MAYBE SOME ORANGES TOO. I really want to make orange-cranberry bread, because it sounds so fucking good to me right now, but since I have bullshitfuckerycold, that's a little too much. My big plans for tomorrow are doing the dishes. Exciting.
Also this week I bought a dresser for The Kid. It was delivered Wednesday morning, thankfully while The Man was still home so I didn't have to get out of bed and deal with it. Less than ten minutes after the doorbell rang, there was a big honking brand-new dresser exactly where I wanted it in my house. Professional delivery, how I love thee. I also cleaned my washing machine last week (yes! apparently you have to clean them once in a while! Let's not talk about how disgusting my fabric softener dispenser was!) so now I feel a-ok about washing some of the baby clothes and blankets I've been given and then OMG putting them AWAY in The Kid's DRESSER.
I have also noticed that WELP more new stretch marks have shown up. I keep seeing all of these pins on Pinterest and articles and shit about how to avoid stretch marks, how to make them less noticeable, blah blah blah, and the tone of all of them is that stretch marks are OMG SO TERRIBLE THE WORST.
Look. I had plenty of goddamn stretch marks all the fuck over my belly, hips, boobs, and butt long before I got pregnant. Now I have more. O NOES. New this week are some more little ones on my lower belly; previously there were only new ones on my upper belly, above my belly button, and on my boobs. I'm actually kind of excited about them because BELLY IS GROWING, THAT MEANS BABY IS GROWING, MWAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Speaking of, HERE IS MAH BELLY. Oh my fucking god, I look so fucking pregnant. (Not visible in photo: the giant dark circles under my eyes, the snot leaking out of my nose, the aching hips, the pants that no longer fit, the "and here I thought while I was pregnant I wouldn't need pads", the limb to the ribs The Kid treated me to. Visible in photo: hey, that shirt is getting a little short on me now, I should probably clean that mirror, the "I'm so fucking tired" look on my face).
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Shit Happening To My Pregnant Ass This Week: Week 27
[Contents: medical, mention of pregnancy loss]
AHHHHHHH THIRD TRIMESTER HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
I spent a lot of this pregnancy not really expecting to get here, you know? Through the first trimester, I was on edge the ENTIRE TIME, because I was spotting pretty consistently, and because I had an early miscarriage in 2012. Then I got through twelve weeks and heard the heartbeat on the Doppler the first time, and it was AMAZING. I could not believe how tight I was wound. I mean, I knew I'd been wound seriously fucking tight, but all of a sudden I was so much more sanguine.
Then we found out my cervix was short and I was at higher risk of delivering early. Which didn't stress me as much as the first trimester, but still stressed me. Most days I could be pretty okay... some days, definitely not. Some days I was convinced I would lose the baby, and lose it before 24 weeks, and oh god, it was going to be terrible.
And then I didn't.
And now it's the third trimester.
And now even if I do deliver early - which I'm not even considered to be at high risk of anymore - every single day, the probable outcomes for The Kid look better and better. And I'm not having contractions, I have no signs of pre-term labor.. everything looks like yup, we're going full-term right now. Kid's growth is on track (and as of last update, hir legs were actually measuring ahead... SHOCK TIME, as both The Man and I are six feet tall), I'm feeling pretty good... wow.
So naturally I have to work not to obsess over kick counts.
My OB doesn't even want me doing them until week 28, and that's the typical recommendation. And there's not a ton of good evidence that they even prevent bad outcomes. And yet!
The Kid is generally pretty active. Generally within an hour after my eating something, there's a flurry of activity. Then late at night when I'm laying in bed. Usually right after I get up in the morning and pee (the first of like EIGHT THOUSAND TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM PER DAY GODS). It's pretty predictable. Some days, though, they're quieter. The day after, they're somewhat more active, and I get all sorts of fun round ligament pain, so my theory is GROWTH SPURT. Then after that we're back to HI WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE KICKED LIKE ALL DAY I HOPE SO BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
Today is one of those days.
And even on the less active days, without fail, WITHOUT FAIL, I get to the point where I start worrying "oh shit, I haven't felt The Kid for a while", I get kicked. Unmistakably. Which is nice and reassuring and makes me laugh, because of course. So really, all signs are that The Kid is perfectly fine. And rolling over and changing positions and Kid how did you kick my hip what are you even DOING in there.
I've also managed to significantly improve the problems with my pelvis. I wrote a while ago that it was already spreading, and I came back from 2013 Midwestern Holiday and was in pretty solid, lurching pain for two weeks from PGP, which probably at this point at this point could be called symphisis pubic dysfunction, seeing as how that particular joint has cracked multiple times. Convenient part though is that a lot of the exercises recommended for that are the exercises recommended for my back. So I've been doing some pelvic tilts, pelvic side shifts to straighten out my spine (because I've noticed that's crooked again), some gentle leg lifts and rocks, things like that. And holy shit, have I mentioned I'm a huge believer in PT? Because now I'm not in pain anymore.
I still have to be careful - I can tell if I go up and down my stairs too many times in a day, for example, and I've more or less given up on doing a full grocery shop, because it's just too much. So I got groceries delivered last week. I can still stop and pick up a few things if we need them though, and that helps. But oh man, now it doesn't hurt to get out of bed any more. And my sciatica was flaring a bit, and that's eased too.
Fucking physical therapy, yo. Fucking MIRACULOUS.
I've also realized that oh shit, I need to eat like ALL THE TIME, and probably if I'm feeling just kind of bleah, it's because I need food. I can also tell if I skip my prenatal vitamins for a day, even if I replace them with a regular multivitamin. I don't know what's in them that makes the difference, but if I don't take them, I get way more emotional, and way more in the mood to just curl up in bed and never, ever leave. I had a day last week, after I'd skipped the vitamins for two days, where basically I was just a complete hormonal, weepy mess. And this weekend after skipping them for one day, I could feel myself going back there. So NO SKIPPING FOR ME too bad they still taste terrible.
OH MY FUCK GOD I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY SOME TIME IN THE NEXT THREE MONTHS HOLY FUCKBALL SHIT
AHHHHHHH THIRD TRIMESTER HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
I spent a lot of this pregnancy not really expecting to get here, you know? Through the first trimester, I was on edge the ENTIRE TIME, because I was spotting pretty consistently, and because I had an early miscarriage in 2012. Then I got through twelve weeks and heard the heartbeat on the Doppler the first time, and it was AMAZING. I could not believe how tight I was wound. I mean, I knew I'd been wound seriously fucking tight, but all of a sudden I was so much more sanguine.
Then we found out my cervix was short and I was at higher risk of delivering early. Which didn't stress me as much as the first trimester, but still stressed me. Most days I could be pretty okay... some days, definitely not. Some days I was convinced I would lose the baby, and lose it before 24 weeks, and oh god, it was going to be terrible.
And then I didn't.
And now it's the third trimester.
And now even if I do deliver early - which I'm not even considered to be at high risk of anymore - every single day, the probable outcomes for The Kid look better and better. And I'm not having contractions, I have no signs of pre-term labor.. everything looks like yup, we're going full-term right now. Kid's growth is on track (and as of last update, hir legs were actually measuring ahead... SHOCK TIME, as both The Man and I are six feet tall), I'm feeling pretty good... wow.
So naturally I have to work not to obsess over kick counts.
My OB doesn't even want me doing them until week 28, and that's the typical recommendation. And there's not a ton of good evidence that they even prevent bad outcomes. And yet!
The Kid is generally pretty active. Generally within an hour after my eating something, there's a flurry of activity. Then late at night when I'm laying in bed. Usually right after I get up in the morning and pee (the first of like EIGHT THOUSAND TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM PER DAY GODS). It's pretty predictable. Some days, though, they're quieter. The day after, they're somewhat more active, and I get all sorts of fun round ligament pain, so my theory is GROWTH SPURT. Then after that we're back to HI WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE KICKED LIKE ALL DAY I HOPE SO BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
Today is one of those days.
And even on the less active days, without fail, WITHOUT FAIL, I get to the point where I start worrying "oh shit, I haven't felt The Kid for a while", I get kicked. Unmistakably. Which is nice and reassuring and makes me laugh, because of course. So really, all signs are that The Kid is perfectly fine. And rolling over and changing positions and Kid how did you kick my hip what are you even DOING in there.
I've also managed to significantly improve the problems with my pelvis. I wrote a while ago that it was already spreading, and I came back from 2013 Midwestern Holiday and was in pretty solid, lurching pain for two weeks from PGP, which probably at this point at this point could be called symphisis pubic dysfunction, seeing as how that particular joint has cracked multiple times. Convenient part though is that a lot of the exercises recommended for that are the exercises recommended for my back. So I've been doing some pelvic tilts, pelvic side shifts to straighten out my spine (because I've noticed that's crooked again), some gentle leg lifts and rocks, things like that. And holy shit, have I mentioned I'm a huge believer in PT? Because now I'm not in pain anymore.
I still have to be careful - I can tell if I go up and down my stairs too many times in a day, for example, and I've more or less given up on doing a full grocery shop, because it's just too much. So I got groceries delivered last week. I can still stop and pick up a few things if we need them though, and that helps. But oh man, now it doesn't hurt to get out of bed any more. And my sciatica was flaring a bit, and that's eased too.
Fucking physical therapy, yo. Fucking MIRACULOUS.
I've also realized that oh shit, I need to eat like ALL THE TIME, and probably if I'm feeling just kind of bleah, it's because I need food. I can also tell if I skip my prenatal vitamins for a day, even if I replace them with a regular multivitamin. I don't know what's in them that makes the difference, but if I don't take them, I get way more emotional, and way more in the mood to just curl up in bed and never, ever leave. I had a day last week, after I'd skipped the vitamins for two days, where basically I was just a complete hormonal, weepy mess. And this weekend after skipping them for one day, I could feel myself going back there. So NO SKIPPING FOR ME too bad they still taste terrible.
OH MY FUCK GOD I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY SOME TIME IN THE NEXT THREE MONTHS HOLY FUCKBALL SHIT
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